My last experience was having my little boy (last month) believing neighborhood kids that he could go collect chicken eggs. Turns out the eggs were in someone else's pen.
The man was NOT pleased. So to show our character, my wife took our son to the man, and my son provided "restitution" according tot he Law of Moses...and paid 7 times the current value of each egg he'd taken...even though he put them back.
The man felt so bad, he asked my wife if he could give the money back.
"Absolutely not," she replied. "This is just as much for him as for you. You take that money...and what you decide to do with it after we leave is up to you."
My boy had been saving up for Sea Monkeys...and was back to zero.
Yes, publicly. This was over a year ago before my daughter was born. I took my almost two year old son into a coffee shop and he bumped his elbow on the doorframe on the way in. That made him holler. After that, he was throwing tantrums about little things like asking for marshmallows in his hot cocoa and I didn’t respond immediately because I was checking to see if marshmallows were an option. Stuff like that. He was loud and clearly agitated. I placed my order and moved to the side wall to squat down (I was 8 months pregnant) and address him. It was then that a man came up to me and gruffly told me to make my “little brat” shut up. That he was in the corner trying to get work done and couldn’t focus with me bringing the whole freaking circus into this coffee shop. And that next time I should take the damn drive thru.
I was very embarrassed.
A man and woman at a nearby table asked the man to calm down and advocated for me that I was doing the best I could.
I took my order and left. I haven’t taken my son into a little personal shop like that since and I won’t until I’m confident in his ability to listen to me and my ability to address those circumstances under duress. I still think the man was a jerk in the way he went about it, and my son was just shy of 2 years old, but I really disliked being on the receiving end of someone’s irritation with my kid.
Strange how my mind can play both sides of that scenario.
I get the irritation of the man, but there are a few factors [FOR ME] that I look for.
ONE, you're pregnant....and if you know some of my stories, women expecting get a WHOLE BLANKET OF CHARITY from me, just for starters.
TWO, though you waited to place your order, if it had been me walking towards you to say something, I would immediately hesitate when you knelt down to address your son. That, to me, is good parenting. You are taking responsibility and making that effort for all of us.
THREE, if I heard a stranger say something like that to another stranger, I would engage in full on humiliation towards him and shame his ass out the door. Probably starting with comforting you a little too loud, like, "Don't worry about him, miss, assholes should remain on the toilets in their own homes, not flapping about in public..."
FOUR, the most important part you've said, IMO, is that you are training your son now. You learned from that experience...and we are all -- you, your son, the rest of us -- better for it.
For the record, embarrassment is a wonderful tool when properly applied.
We'll talk about it's application with teens soon.
Oh, I understand the man’s frustration. I would have gone about it differently myself, but I don’t blame the man for feeling inconvenienced and put upon by the public tantrum of a stranger’s child. It was an enlightening experience for me and not only for how I want to teach my son, but how I, as the mother, adult, and responsible party would conduct myself in a similar situation in the future.
Of course I have. Every time I leave the house. I’ve also experienced someone coming to me about my child.
hehe, publicly?
My last experience was having my little boy (last month) believing neighborhood kids that he could go collect chicken eggs. Turns out the eggs were in someone else's pen.
The man was NOT pleased. So to show our character, my wife took our son to the man, and my son provided "restitution" according tot he Law of Moses...and paid 7 times the current value of each egg he'd taken...even though he put them back.
The man felt so bad, he asked my wife if he could give the money back.
"Absolutely not," she replied. "This is just as much for him as for you. You take that money...and what you decide to do with it after we leave is up to you."
My boy had been saving up for Sea Monkeys...and was back to zero.
...choices have consequences. ALL choices.
Yes, publicly. This was over a year ago before my daughter was born. I took my almost two year old son into a coffee shop and he bumped his elbow on the doorframe on the way in. That made him holler. After that, he was throwing tantrums about little things like asking for marshmallows in his hot cocoa and I didn’t respond immediately because I was checking to see if marshmallows were an option. Stuff like that. He was loud and clearly agitated. I placed my order and moved to the side wall to squat down (I was 8 months pregnant) and address him. It was then that a man came up to me and gruffly told me to make my “little brat” shut up. That he was in the corner trying to get work done and couldn’t focus with me bringing the whole freaking circus into this coffee shop. And that next time I should take the damn drive thru.
I was very embarrassed.
A man and woman at a nearby table asked the man to calm down and advocated for me that I was doing the best I could.
I took my order and left. I haven’t taken my son into a little personal shop like that since and I won’t until I’m confident in his ability to listen to me and my ability to address those circumstances under duress. I still think the man was a jerk in the way he went about it, and my son was just shy of 2 years old, but I really disliked being on the receiving end of someone’s irritation with my kid.
Strange how my mind can play both sides of that scenario.
I get the irritation of the man, but there are a few factors [FOR ME] that I look for.
ONE, you're pregnant....and if you know some of my stories, women expecting get a WHOLE BLANKET OF CHARITY from me, just for starters.
TWO, though you waited to place your order, if it had been me walking towards you to say something, I would immediately hesitate when you knelt down to address your son. That, to me, is good parenting. You are taking responsibility and making that effort for all of us.
THREE, if I heard a stranger say something like that to another stranger, I would engage in full on humiliation towards him and shame his ass out the door. Probably starting with comforting you a little too loud, like, "Don't worry about him, miss, assholes should remain on the toilets in their own homes, not flapping about in public..."
FOUR, the most important part you've said, IMO, is that you are training your son now. You learned from that experience...and we are all -- you, your son, the rest of us -- better for it.
For the record, embarrassment is a wonderful tool when properly applied.
We'll talk about it's application with teens soon.
Oh, I understand the man’s frustration. I would have gone about it differently myself, but I don’t blame the man for feeling inconvenienced and put upon by the public tantrum of a stranger’s child. It was an enlightening experience for me and not only for how I want to teach my son, but how I, as the mother, adult, and responsible party would conduct myself in a similar situation in the future.
...aaaaand my article has "social" proof.
I tend to be that annoying old woman that calls out children for being brats. But lately, I'm not sure it even matters. The parents are brats...
We should hang out. I call out everyone...in different ways.
<-----Dad 24/7/365