I realized a long while ago that in my own marriage I don’t want “I love you” to become so automatic that we stop taking a second to actually feel that abiding love in our hearts for our spouse. My husband is not a man of many words when it comes to expressing feelings. But I am. So I take the time to tell him in different ways or I just say his name and wait for him to look at me so that he can witness all the love I have for him plain as day in my facial expression as I say “I love you”. He doesn’t reciprocate in the way I do. His wording is as it ever was. But it’s changed things for me, and I can see that he feels the intent when I am, in fact, intentional, with those words.
We all have different ways of expressing our love for each other, don't we...and that's important to understand. Thank you for pointing out that it is important to choose ourselves, how we will express love to others -- especially our significant other.
Yeah, the more I grow and learn myself, the less I want to change my husband, exchanging that for loving him as he is. Usually conflict or distance can be improved simply by a change of heart on my end. The idea that marriage is 50/50 is bogus to me. ;P It’s giving 110% of my effort 100% of the time without keeping a score board to make sure he’s doing “his part” or his “fair share”. That mindset just angers and disappoints us both. But giving all you can, whenever you can, JUST BECAUSE you can, out of love, and accepting what they give for face value, seems to keep me and my husband both in a fairly fulfilled position as we experience life together. We grow, learn, communicate, and try to be free with forgiveness. No score boards.
Thank you for sharing that, Asia....it sparked something in my mind from a profound experience I had while praying about my wife.
I'd been trying so hard to earn her confidence, making serious changes in my life to improve our marriage and because I wanted to be a better man for her, a better father for my children, but after a year...she just didn't see what I was doing. The tension was still present on her part, regardless of what I was doing.
I was confused, and honestly, both hurt and discouraged.
So I poured out my heart to God.
He answered.
"Son, do you do these things to be noticed of your wife, or because it is the right things to do?"
It took me a moment to think it through. "Because I desire to be a terr man, Lord. It's the right thing to do."
"Then do what is right."
Less than a week later my wife came to me in tears. The kind of tears that displayed a broken heart -- and whatever made her feel that way, I wanted to destroy to protect her.
She said, "I was having prayer and was thanking God for your character and consistency."
"Then why the tears?" I asked.
She looked up, tears still flowing. "God replied, 'Oh my daughter, he's always been that way." Then she added, "I'm so sorry I didn't notice."
Asia, there was nearly 20 years of healing in an instant for me.
I realized a long while ago that in my own marriage I don’t want “I love you” to become so automatic that we stop taking a second to actually feel that abiding love in our hearts for our spouse. My husband is not a man of many words when it comes to expressing feelings. But I am. So I take the time to tell him in different ways or I just say his name and wait for him to look at me so that he can witness all the love I have for him plain as day in my facial expression as I say “I love you”. He doesn’t reciprocate in the way I do. His wording is as it ever was. But it’s changed things for me, and I can see that he feels the intent when I am, in fact, intentional, with those words.
Thank you for sharing that, Asia.
We all have different ways of expressing our love for each other, don't we...and that's important to understand. Thank you for pointing out that it is important to choose ourselves, how we will express love to others -- especially our significant other.
Yeah, the more I grow and learn myself, the less I want to change my husband, exchanging that for loving him as he is. Usually conflict or distance can be improved simply by a change of heart on my end. The idea that marriage is 50/50 is bogus to me. ;P It’s giving 110% of my effort 100% of the time without keeping a score board to make sure he’s doing “his part” or his “fair share”. That mindset just angers and disappoints us both. But giving all you can, whenever you can, JUST BECAUSE you can, out of love, and accepting what they give for face value, seems to keep me and my husband both in a fairly fulfilled position as we experience life together. We grow, learn, communicate, and try to be free with forgiveness. No score boards.
Thank you for sharing that, Asia....it sparked something in my mind from a profound experience I had while praying about my wife.
I'd been trying so hard to earn her confidence, making serious changes in my life to improve our marriage and because I wanted to be a better man for her, a better father for my children, but after a year...she just didn't see what I was doing. The tension was still present on her part, regardless of what I was doing.
I was confused, and honestly, both hurt and discouraged.
So I poured out my heart to God.
He answered.
"Son, do you do these things to be noticed of your wife, or because it is the right things to do?"
It took me a moment to think it through. "Because I desire to be a terr man, Lord. It's the right thing to do."
"Then do what is right."
Less than a week later my wife came to me in tears. The kind of tears that displayed a broken heart -- and whatever made her feel that way, I wanted to destroy to protect her.
She said, "I was having prayer and was thanking God for your character and consistency."
"Then why the tears?" I asked.
She looked up, tears still flowing. "God replied, 'Oh my daughter, he's always been that way." Then she added, "I'm so sorry I didn't notice."
Asia, there was nearly 20 years of healing in an instant for me.
All I can say is, God is great!
But it’s ALWAYS nice to hear the words “I love you back”.🥰
Agreed.
This is beautiful.
Very easy to speak from the heart when I involve my wife.
Just FYI...the podcast I did last night, you'll want to listen to. Episode #3 this Friday.