Create Meaning In What You Do
My focus was to remain consistent, and when I learned how to do something better, or I learned a better way/perspective, I tried to improve as fast as I could.
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I can think of no greater goal than to leave this world better than I found it, by providing more love and determination to do good through my children.
Jaime Buckley
Introduction
There are times in life when parenting is a very lonely profession. Times when you are striving to do all the right things for all the right reasons, and it feels like the world’s against you. As if each and every decision you make is fought, argued, ignored, and rejected.
Welcome to being a parent.
It’s a long-term battle…but I promise you it’s worth it. You might not see it right now, but it’s worth it.
What if I told you there was a way to have purpose behind everything you do? That clarifying your WHY enabled you to know that even the smallest actions you take mattered?
…even if no one ever sees or acknowledges what you do?
Unexpected Calls
One of the things in my own WHY as a parent, was to be the kind of father my married children would appreciate. To teach them and impart my values in such a way that it would, hopefully, make their adult life—and being a parent themselves, easier.
Like any family and any other parent, I’ve had many struggles and challenges with my children.
They’re wonderful people, but we didn’t always see eye to eye, and sometimes they flat out disagreed.
I’ve always appreciated that they were self-thinkers—and I wanted that for them (after I’d left the room to cool down, of course). But this also honed my wife and I in communicating with teens, and learning the skills of navigating the perspectives they insisted were the ‘truth’.
My focus was to remain consistent, and when I learned how to do something better, or I learned a better way/perspective, I tried to improve as fast as I could.
I wish I could say all went well, but it didn’t.
Some of the challenges we had as parents nearly did me in, and I had times when I felt I would give up on the children left at home.
That’s when my WHY kicked in.
I’d decided before any of my kids had been born, that I was going to be the best father I knew how to be, despite the views of my family, friends, and those around me. I wasn’t perfect, I knew I’d make both mistakes and wrong choices, but my resolve was to focus on being on a state of improvement for both myself and my family.
That’s what was MOST important.
It didn’t matter if anyone noticed my efforts, even though I hoped someone would eventually see what I was trying to do.
I was doing this because it was the RIGHT thing to do, not because I’d get some pat on the back.
Forward this story a handful of years later…
I got a phone call out of the blue from one of my daughters.
“Dad, I just wanted to tell you that I love you,…and I’m sorry.”
“Sorry?” I said, confused, “Why would you be sorry?”
There was a soft sigh on the other end of the call. “Because I just…didn’t understand why you did some of the things you did, when I was younger.”
“Oh.”
“I know I got upset at times, and even complained. I was wrong.” She then proceeded to explain some challenges she’d been having with my grandchild. In the midst of dealing with a similar problem I had faced with her, something had clicked.
“I get it now,” she said softly, “and I wanted to say ‘thank you’ for being you. For not giving up on me.”
I choked back my tears as nearly a decade of emotional healing took place in my heart and mind. Things I believed in so deeply, but ended up questioning at times, due to being alone in my stance.
“I love you, ya know.”
I could hear her smile. “And I love you back.”
It was a phone call I had given my own father a few years earlier.
Funny thing was, several of her siblings gave me a similar phone call over the next couple of months.
Each one as precious as this call.
The WHY
They’re worth it, you know. Your child.
Each and every effort and sacrifice you make—even if it’s for the chance of helping them get through life and learning critical lessons so they can become responsible, good, self-thinking adults and parents themselves.
It worth it, so don’t give up on them.
Cling to your WHY…because sometimes it’s all you’ll have.
The HOW
When we have goals we’re trying to achieve such as exercise—we know by following through on walking, or eating right, changes will occur. You’ll get stronger, look better, and have more endurance to enjoy life more, right?
Our WHY does the same for us—so list the end results you want for you and your children.
I created for myself a letter, written to my future self.
In it, I talked about how I pictured my children, grown up as adults.
How they would walk and talk. How they interacted with others, and solved the problems in their own lives.
They wouldn’t be able to do much of those things unless someone taught them what to do—and that was my job.
To teach them.
That meant something to me.
To be the one willing to do the hard things, make the hard decisions, and to stand firm as a loving example when those around me wanted to cave or give in.
Even if no one understood.
But I always had hope that they would.
Some day.
Eventually.
Maybe.
…but I’d do it even if they didn’t.
Because, as I said—it was the RIGHT thing to do.
Conclusion
You have the greatest and hardest job in the world.
Doing the right thing, for the right reason, even if the world is against you.
Because these little lives are depending on you.
They need you.
Even if they don’t say anything.
Even if they don’t appreciate it.
Even if they fight you.
So do it, because you love them and want the best for them.
What To Do Next:
Now that you know how your WHY can create meaning for you—something you can hold onto when you’re facing times alone, craft that knowledge for yourself.
Take some time and ponder what you hope to help your children to become.
Take your time.
Focus on what matters most.
Their character.
Their values.
How they will be able to live their lives more fully, because of what you can teach them.
Not through force, but by instruction and invitation.
Always through love.
You’ve got this.
QUESTION: What is your biggest struggle in being consistent with your children?
NEXT TIME: Create Unity Between Parents
kidCLANS subscriptions are 100% free, including our archives. This is made possible by generous individuals purchasing paid memberships for $5/mo. If you enjoy this material, consider telling someone you know about kidCLANS.
We rely on word-of-mouth to grow. Use the share button below to spread the word. =)
If you prefer to give a one-time donation, consider buying us coffee through our ko-fi page. Thank you!
These types of phone calls are the BEST.