Create Unity Between Parents
In my family, Kathi and I strive to be united in every respect when it comes to our children. This isnโt about who is right, but what is right.
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Never allow a day to go by without taking a moment, getting the full attention of your sweetheart and saying, โI love you, with all my soul.โ
โฆand if they beat you to it, reply, โI love you back.โ
-Jaime Buckley
Introduction
I married well.
Itโs not bragging, even though I feel to brag about Kathi with every breathโitโs just fact.
I am both blessed and honored by the woman I call my wife. She is thoughtful, kind, considerate, far more patient than Iโฆand nearly perfect in every way but one.
She has horrible taste in men.
Fortunately or me, on the other hand, I have perfect taste in women.
There are amazing parents throughout this world, both men and women. Iโm not here to point fingers at anyone or to pass judgements, but I am here to make a statement.
Children grow up stronger and better adjusted IF they have loving parents raising them.ย
A father AND a mother.
A mother AND a father.
Yes, there are exceptional single parents out there, doing the best they canโand many raise equally exceptional children.
But these are the exceptions, while too many carry on as if this is the rule.
Itโs not.ย
Men and women have specific roles to play in the lives of their children. Though we might compensate for each other from time to time, it will not be as beneficial as two loving and united parents.
Part of this is how we strengthen, support, and reinforce one another.
What Did Mom Say?
If you have children over the age of three, itโs likely youโve had this experience.
Your child wants to do something, like play outside, and he or she asks their mother.
For whatever reasonโwhich will likely be practical and thought out, mother says โnoโ.
So what does any self-respecting, determined child do?
The decide to get a second opinion.
This is where Ruby (or ANY of my children for that matter) used to come to me and ask ever-so-innocently for permission to go do something.
Because of course, they want to make sure itโs okay do do what theyโre asking to do, right?
โฆand dadโs the boss.
So it comes as a great surprise when their father turns to them, and asks what their mother has said about it.
The WHY
In my family, Kathi and I strive to be united in every respect when it comes to our children.
This isnโt about who is right, but what is right.
We never say unkind things about each other when talking to the children.
Ever.
Thereโs a special strength and power when the children know they can go to either parent and get the same answer.ย
Oh, there are times when we havenโt had time to chat and coordinateโbut the wonderful thing there, is that we have no problem taking a step back.
โNope. Changing my answer here, kids. I was not aware your father had already talked to you about this.โ Or, โSorry guys, I jumped to conclusions there, and mom filled me on some things I was unaware ofโso hereโs what weโre going to doโฆโ
These children belong to BOTH of you.
This specific issue is doubly important if youโre divorced and are trying to raise children together.
Your WHY is something to be discussed deeply between mom and dad, so you develop a strong unity. Talk about principles (discipline, teaching, etc.), goals (how you want your children to turn out, education, etc.), and methods (how toโฆeverything).
Doing so creates a bond between you two, and will foster a confidence from your children.
The HOW
This is one on one time.ย
Place your thoughts, feelings, and ideas not the table and discuss them. Be open, honest, and explain why you think the way you doโshare your perspectives.
Then listen to and welcome the same from your spouse.
Pay particular attention to the perspectivesโbecause thereโs something amazing about this aspect of a marriage.
You donโt have to know everything.
Your spouse is your other perspective, and you are theirs.
If one of you get the answer, you both win!
Use that to your advantage, because you both have strengths that will come in handy during the raising of your child.
Go over your WHY with you spouse. Talk about it. Discuss it.
You might find tweaks and make it better.
Conclusion
When this journey is over and your child is all grown up and out of the house, guess what?
The two of you will have each other.
Remember that.
You started this journey together, and youโll end it together.
HAHAHAHAHA
Just kidding, parenting never ends, even when they leave.
They just come back with a new set of problems they need your help withโฆbut hey, theyโll bring a magnificent bonus for you to enjoy.
Grandbabies.
โฆbut thatโs for another time.
Oh, and againโnever talk ill about each other.
Ever.
You wonโt just undermine your own parenting effortsโyouโll break the heart of your child.
Donโt do it.ย
What To Do Next:
Go on a date.
Love your spouse.
Let them know how grateful you are for them, and tell them WHY.
Youโve got this.
QUESTION: What is your biggest struggle in being consistent with your children?
NEXT TIME: Eliminate Unhelpful Emotions
kidCLANS subscriptions are 100% free, including our archives. This is made possible by generous individuals purchasing paid memberships for $5/mo. If you enjoy this material, consider telling someone you know about kidCLANS.
We rely on word-of-mouth to grow. Use the share button below to spread the word. =)
If you prefer to give a one-time donation, consider buying us coffee through our ko-fi page. Thank you!