Summer vacation = more interaction with the children. More interaction allows me to take inventory of what I need to work on as a parent. But I’m curious…
My children need to understand why I do what I do. I've never been the dad that said, "Do this because I SAY so..." and not explain the reason behind my stance. This has always strengthened my relationships with my 13 children, and bred confidence in our family. "Let me show why we do what we do," has been a standing principle of parenting for me from day one.
I think I inherited that from you, dad. It was something I appreciated while growing up but when I witnessed as a young woman that this practice was anything but common place, I valued it even more in hindsight.
A close second for me is probably the ability to tell my kids “I’m sorry” and “I don’t know the answer to that, but let’s figure it out together”. An attitude of humility and honesty is important to me in parenting because I’m hoping my children will grow up feeling comfortable admitting ignorance and asking questions in the pursuit of truth, knowing mommy does that too. I am not all-knowing. I want my kids to grow up in an environment that is curious, studious and humble. I want to raise thinkers that highly value truth.
I know I made harsh decisions at times, but when I gained more information after the fact and saw that I was unfair, or maybe out of line when i should have been more kind and soft...I have always come to my children and apologized. I've explained where I was wrong, and asked for forgiveness.
Funny part about this, is most people I know, even close friends, refuse to do this.
Something in them says that THEY are the 'adult', and THOSE are the 'kids', so for some reason it's okay for us to be wrong and not take responsibility for our actions?
Yeah. There’s a faulty belief that somehow apologizing to your kid when you were genuinely in the wrong is somehow not okay. That apologizing at all to a kid means you are no longer an authority figure to them—but it’s been quite the opposite in my experience. There IS a way to apologize sincerely to a child without jeopardizing your own authority with them. And I think it’s fostering a sense of trust and respect in my children. Sometimes real injustices are committed against a child by the parent. Taking responsibility encourages them to draw near to you. Besides, kids will “do as you do” more than “do what you say”.
You know what makes building kidCLANS on Substack so great?
...people get to actually see the principles we live by and how what I have been yammering on about for decades is now showing itself in the next generation, live, here on the blog.
I love my kids unconditionally and let them make their own mistakes. Even though I know the answers to solve many of their problems, I simply give my opinion and let them make a decision on what to do; I don't give them a consequence if they choose the option I don't like (of course I am not talking about situations where there will be harm or laws broken! ;) )
So if you want them to do dishes, or clean their room, or maybe talk to their mom respectfully, or YOU respectfully, they get to 'choose' what they want to do, even if that's leave all the dishes on mom, or to ignore their parents.
...because it's not really harming anyone, and it's not against some 'law', right?
Because, after all, it's just your opinion. Is that correct?
My children need to understand why I do what I do. I've never been the dad that said, "Do this because I SAY so..." and not explain the reason behind my stance. This has always strengthened my relationships with my 13 children, and bred confidence in our family. "Let me show why we do what we do," has been a standing principle of parenting for me from day one.
I think I inherited that from you, dad. It was something I appreciated while growing up but when I witnessed as a young woman that this practice was anything but common place, I valued it even more in hindsight.
A close second for me is probably the ability to tell my kids “I’m sorry” and “I don’t know the answer to that, but let’s figure it out together”. An attitude of humility and honesty is important to me in parenting because I’m hoping my children will grow up feeling comfortable admitting ignorance and asking questions in the pursuit of truth, knowing mommy does that too. I am not all-knowing. I want my kids to grow up in an environment that is curious, studious and humble. I want to raise thinkers that highly value truth.
Huh. That was my second one also.
I know I made harsh decisions at times, but when I gained more information after the fact and saw that I was unfair, or maybe out of line when i should have been more kind and soft...I have always come to my children and apologized. I've explained where I was wrong, and asked for forgiveness.
Funny part about this, is most people I know, even close friends, refuse to do this.
Something in them says that THEY are the 'adult', and THOSE are the 'kids', so for some reason it's okay for us to be wrong and not take responsibility for our actions?
Uhhhh, no.
Yeah. There’s a faulty belief that somehow apologizing to your kid when you were genuinely in the wrong is somehow not okay. That apologizing at all to a kid means you are no longer an authority figure to them—but it’s been quite the opposite in my experience. There IS a way to apologize sincerely to a child without jeopardizing your own authority with them. And I think it’s fostering a sense of trust and respect in my children. Sometimes real injustices are committed against a child by the parent. Taking responsibility encourages them to draw near to you. Besides, kids will “do as you do” more than “do what you say”.
...you should have ended that statement with
*Mic Drop* [Asia Bailey is LEAVIN' TH'BUILDIN'!!]
You know what makes building kidCLANS on Substack so great?
...people get to actually see the principles we live by and how what I have been yammering on about for decades is now showing itself in the next generation, live, here on the blog.
Thank you for that, sweetie.
Daddy loves you.
I hope I represent you well, daddy. 😘 Thanks for taking the time to explain things to me.
You do a lovely job, sweetie.
Just be you.
That will always cast a good light on your mother and I.
...just be you.
I love my kids unconditionally and let them make their own mistakes. Even though I know the answers to solve many of their problems, I simply give my opinion and let them make a decision on what to do; I don't give them a consequence if they choose the option I don't like (of course I am not talking about situations where there will be harm or laws broken! ;) )
I THINK I get what you're saying....
So if you want them to do dishes, or clean their room, or maybe talk to their mom respectfully, or YOU respectfully, they get to 'choose' what they want to do, even if that's leave all the dishes on mom, or to ignore their parents.
...because it's not really harming anyone, and it's not against some 'law', right?
Because, after all, it's just your opinion. Is that correct?
[waits to see if his little brother takes the bait...]