Why people hate you (they just don’t say it)
Put yer big panties on, this may hurt a little.
Things go through my mind when I watch the families and the community around me in real life. Things that can be fixed. Things that should be fixed. Not because of my opinion, but because being a part of society, IMO, means we have a duty and responsibility to make this a working environment. This is one of my opinions…
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It hit me the other day that I’m struggling too hard with these articles. Not because I don’t have something to say, but I’m trying to say too much.
That’s a joke, if you know what a Buckley is.
I guess I’m getting it through my head, finally, that it’s not how much you say, but what you say. I have some very specific things to bring up to you over the next year or two. Oh, trust me, we’re gonna be around each other for a while, so let’s get into this…
The world around us
This world of ours has gone completely crazy. I could use all sorts of creative language, but I think getting straight to the point is better. No one seems to take accountability or responsibility for anything they do. It’s rotting our society. What is worse is that it reflects badly upon the parenting skills of families.
Mainly because there’s little evidence that people have skills at all.
We have a society of children with no manners, no respect (especially for their elders), no accountability, very little motivation to do what’s right, and entitlement up the backside.
It’s easy enough to see these horrible examples through social media. We can see it unfold before our very eyes. When you go to the grocery store, you can observe it. You see it when you go to Walmart. You see it when you go to the park, or the local public swimming pool. Crap, I even see it in the movie, theater and church!
Fact is, anytime you try to go somewhere with your family, you find worse versions of our clans all around us.
No, I’m not pointing fingers at specific families. Oh, and to be clear––this has nothing to do with gender, race, economical, standing or situation. I am shouting out loud that this is a problem. A real, tangible problem.
If you don’t see this problem around you, you ARE the problem.
Your children make you look bad
What you do at home is your business. If you want to let your kids run around like animals, swearing, picking their boogers and eating them, peeing into the corners…that’s your business. I’ve seen it, so it’s out there, cupcake.
Once you step out that door, taking your little animals into the shared space we call society, it now becomes our business too. Don’t believe me? Try to let your kid throw rocks at the side of someone else’s house and see how that goes. Like it or not, we have to share the society. What you do and don’t do — what I do, and don’t do — affects one another.
That’s how society works.
So when I am out with my family at a pleasant restaurant, one that I’ve spent well over $100 to have a single meal, I’d like peace. It would be nice to have a quiet conversation with my wife and children. That’s usually what we expect when we go out to be with our love ones, don’t we?
The last thing I wanna experience is your freaking brats, running around like hoodlums, playing tag, and screaming at the top of their lungs. What’s worse is when they throw around rubber balls to play ‘catch’, without a single care for the dozens of families in that shared space.
…and you didn’t do a damn thing about it.
I’m bringing this up because it happened three days ago.
Pissed me off.
My Uncle Bob got fed up. He asked three sets of children nicely each time.
“Please don’t run through here.”
“Please don’t bounce that ball around our table.”
“If you’re going to argue and scream, please go to wherever your parents are.”
None of those children gave a damn. Each and everyone of them completely ignored uncle Bob. So what did my Uncle Bob do? He walked to the back room and had words with two Tongan families. They apparently didn’t give a crap what their children were doing, but Bob did.
He let them know how rude the children were, that they did not respond to an elder when spoken to, and that they made those parents look bad.
Don’t go leaving racist accusations in the comment section, because I’m married to a Samoan woman. I know for a fact that the general cultural views of traditional Polynesian families are for children to obey their parents. Try to do something like that, around a Samoan elder, and watch that child get clipped in the back of the head for not listening.
This was not a cultural issue. It was bad parenting.
This is always about parenting, regardless of race.
Do you ever consider the way your children behave out in public reflects upon you? Your children represent you. They are a manifestation of your own habits as an adult. How they behave hints to other people what kind of person YOU are.
If you don’t think the opinions of others matter at all, reconsider that position.
Oh, I’ll agree that we shouldn’t care what others think enough to change the principles we live by, but that’s not what we’re talking about. Watching a parent and their children, you can quickly come to conclusions about what type of individual that adult is.
Yes, I know there are exceptions.
There are exemplary parents who are consistent, and children who are rebellious. I get that. But a parent who cannot guide or hold their child accountable often cannot be trusted with responsibility themselves. That, my friend, affects every aspect of your adult life, especially employment and social interactions.
This is YOUR fault, ya know…
You haven't trained your children, that's why they misbehave.
You’ll notice that I didn’t say “raised”.
I said “trained”.
The difference being you don’t just pass the time, give them food, clothing and shelter and hope the little turds grow up well.
They won’t.
Sad story here, from relatives that I love very, very much…
Many years ago, they started having children. Now, for the record, this is a good couple. They are some of my favorite people on this planet, and they didn't want to force their children to follow certain guidelines. Values were not put in place by them. They did not instill faith. In fact, I can’t even think of a single thing they did other than try to be their “friends”.
I remember at a family gathering, their oldest, who was just a baby at the time, started swearing. Everyone in the room laughed.
I shook my head.
When I said anything, they rebuked me coolly, and told that it was ‘cute’.
I mentioned not rectifying the situation was likely to grow into a habit that wouldn’t be so cute, especially when they became teenagers.
They rebuked me again.
Not my circus, not my monkeys. I get it. Do what you want, it’s your house. It’s your family. Thing is, years went by and the children got older.
Do you wanna guess what happened? Do you want time to ponder what the outcome was?
Everything that was not addressed while they were small, compounded. Those ‘cute’ moments became rock solid habits and character traits when they got older.
Mom and dad eventually decided to be born again Christians.
The kids couldn’t care less. They saw no value in a life that meant the world to their parents. Mom and dad had set no example. No foundation. No values.
Have they lost everything? Of course not.
My point here is that if we train children when they are young, they are far more likely to cling to those teachings when are old. There is a time in between for exploration and failure and self-discovery.
And that’s OK.
We all go through that. But if you give your kids nothing to stand on…when it comes time for them to make the hard choices in life, that’s exactly what they’re going to choose.
Nothing.
So What Can We do?
You take the time; you make the effort, and you provide the solid consistent examples for your child.
Someone who raises a child tells them “do it because I say so.”
Someone who trains a child tells them, “this is what I want you to do, and let me explain why we do it this way.”
Can you see the difference?
Are there exceptions? Sure.
You want to bet on your kids’ future, happiness, and survival on being an exception — all because you’re too lazy to do your job?
As I said, not my circus.
Our children turn out the way we train them.
Bad parenting is bad parenting. BUT that’s something you can unlearn, change, improve, and change. If you don’t like the results you’re getting, then do something else. There are books, courses, self-help aids, support groups, classes…endless resources for people to learn how to be a better parent.
The worse option is no parenting. That’s when you let the child make all the decisions for themselves. Really? You’d let them make all the decisions for themselves?? I’ll let you in on a little secret…
Most of those decisions will be bad ones.
YOU are responsible for your kids and their actions.
YOU are the one that’s unleashing the little monsters on society.
YOU are the one that is making my life harder out in public, because you haven’t taken the time to teach your children basic, fundamental manners.
Have you created a child that people will hate?
If so, you’ll hated by people in society, even if they don’t say it to your face.
Think about what I’ve said.
If it doesn’t bother you, it should.
Because it’s bothering everyone else around you, and eventually, someone’s gonna say something to you. It will not be pretty, and I hope it’s not in public. There are more ‘Uncle Bob’s’ out there.
Not as cool and awesome as mine, but I’m sure they’ll tell you off like a principled person should.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
You fix your kids, and I’ll fix mine.
All of society will be happier if we both do our jobs.
I’d rather be friends, anyway.
You’ve got this.
Paid subscribers can comment, access the entire archive of this site, along with other stories, cartoons, exclusive podcast, and every article I’ve ever written. If you aren’t a paid subscriber, you can access the archive for free with a 7-day trial OR earn a paid membership by joining the referral program!
If you enjoy our content, but don’t want to become a member, consider buying us a coffee to keep us going! Thanks so much!
BONUS: 25 summer nature exploration ideas for families, along with a brief description of each:
Here’s another 25 ideas for your summer fun! If you’d like the full list — including both low to no cost options and variations for special needs children, consider supporting kidCLANS by purchasing “Summer Survival Guide: 975 Ways to Keep the Kids Busy.” It’s only $5…and you’ll save 50 times that using our ideas over the summer =)
1. Nature Scavenger Hunt: Create a scavenger hunt list of items found in nature, such as different types of leaves, rocks, or animal tracks. Explore local parks or nature trails to find and check off the items on your list.
2. Nature Photography: Grab a camera or a smartphone and go on a family photography adventure. Capture the beauty of nature by taking photos of flowers, insects, landscapes, and wildlife you encounter along the way.
3. Birdwatching: Research local bird species and their habitats, then head out to parks or nature reserves with binoculars in hand. Spot and identify different bird species while enjoying their mesmerizing songs and behaviors.
4. Nature Journaling: Encourage your family to keep a nature journal, documenting their observations and experiences during outdoor adventures. Write about interesting plants, animals, or landscapes encountered, or create sketches and drawings.
5. Camping: Plan a family camping trip to immerse yourselves in nature. Set up a tent, go hiking, build a campfire, and enjoy stargazing at night. Camping allows for a deeper connection with the natural world.
6. Picnic in the Park: Pack a delicious picnic lunch and head to a local park or nature reserve. Find a peaceful spot to relax, eat, and enjoy the surrounding nature. Bring a field guide to identify plants and animals you come across.
7. Nature Crafts: Collect natural materials like leaves, pinecones, and rocks during your outdoor adventures. Use these items to create nature-inspired crafts, such as leaf rubbings, painted rocks, or pressed flowers.
8. Geocaching: Join the treasure hunt adventure of geocaching. Use a GPS or smartphone app to locate hidden containers, or geocaches, in outdoor locations. It's a fun and interactive way to explore new areas.
9. Nature Trail Exploration: Seek out local nature trails or interpretive centers. Follow marked trails and learn about the flora, fauna, and geological features through informative signs or guided tours.
10. Nature Scents and Smells: Take a sensory journey by exploring the scents of nature. Find flowers, herbs, or other plants with distinct smells. Discuss and compare the scents, noting their differences and similarities.
11. River or Stream Exploration: Visit a nearby river or stream and observe the water's flow, rocks, and plants along the banks. Look for signs of aquatic life and enjoy the calming sounds of nature's waterways.
12. Nature Storytelling: Find a cozy spot in nature, such as under a tree or beside a babbling brook. Take turns telling stories inspired by the surroundings or create an imaginative tale together as a family.
13. Nature Conservation Project: Engage in a family conservation project, such as cleaning up a local beach, planting trees, or building birdhouses. This hands-on activity teaches children about environmental stewardship.
14. Butterfly Watching: Research local butterfly species and their favorite habitats. Explore gardens or meadows known for attracting butterflies and observe their vibrant colors and graceful flight patterns.
15. Nature-Sound Scavenger Hunt: Create a list of natural sounds to listen for during your outdoor excursion, such as bird songs, rustling leaves, or running water. Tune in to the surrounding soundscape and mark off the sounds as you hear them.
16. Nature Yoga: Find a serene spot in nature and engage in outdoor yoga as a family. Follow yoga routines specifically designed for practicing in natural settings, allowing you to connect with both body and environment.
17. Nature-Friendly Picnic: Organize an eco-friendly picnic by using reusable plates, cups, and utensils. Bring homemade snacks or locally sourced food, and leave no trace behind by properly disposing of waste.
18. Rock Collecting: Explore rocky areas or visit a nearby beach to collect unique rocks and minerals. Learn about different rock types and their formations while enjoying the thrill of discovery.
19. Star Gazing: Set up a telescope or simply lie on a blanket in an open field to observe the night sky. Identify constellations, planets, and shooting stars, and learn about the wonders of our universe.
20. Nature-Focused Field Trip: Plan a family outing to a nature center, botanical garden, or wildlife sanctuary. Engage in guided tours, workshops, or educational programs that provide insights into local ecosystems and conservation efforts.
21. Insect Exploration: Study the fascinating world of insects by searching for bugs, beetles, butterflies, or bees in your backyard or local parks. Use field guides or online resources to identify different species.
22. Nature-inspired Cooking: Harvest fruits, vegetables, or herbs from your garden or a local farm and use them to create delicious, nature-inspired meals. Engage children in the cooking process and discuss the importance of fresh, sustainable ingredients.
23. Nature Rubbings: Bring along paper and crayons to create nature rubbings of tree bark, leaves, or interesting textures found outdoors. Experiment with different surfaces to capture unique patterns and designs.
24. Nature Reflections: Find a quiet spot near a pond, lake, or river and observe the reflections on the water's surface. Encourage each family member to share their thoughts and feelings inspired by the serene scene.
25. Nature Volunteer Work: Participate in volunteer activities that help preserve and maintain natural areas. Join local conservation groups or community organizations to clean up trails, plant trees, or assist in wildlife habitat restoration projects.