The Male Idiot
I’m not a traitor. I’m just stating a fact about our evolution.
Ever had the experience of walking into a location and the ‘Oh my goodness I’m around artificial intelligence’ beeper goes off? The gut feeling that makes you pray idiots never breed? I know, that’s harsh...but you can’t tell me you haven’t met someone like that.
If you haven’t, you may be one of them.
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The Story
I got home at 12:43 am after about 15-16 hours of work and shuffled out the door again with Evan after family scriptures and prayer. Despite the lack of sleep, I was in a good mood. We took uncle Bob’s car and dropped off library materials, then hit the Credit Union.
We waited for it to open, and I walked to the male teller.
Just a kid of 18. They all look like they’re just out of diapers to me.
He smiles and I deposit some checks, then ask for a Cashier’s Check. He clickity-clicks the keyboard, smiles again and turns to look at the printer.
Nothing happens.
He clickity-clicks again.
Nothing happens.
So he walks across the floor and checks the printer. Pushes some buttons, looks shyly at Jessica, the lovely 18 yr old female teller. Then gives it a small bang with his palm. Nothing. He looks at me, embarrassed. “I’m so sorry about this,” he says. I looked at Evan, who was already smiling.
“It’s probably jammed,” I said. “But you won’t be able to fix it buddy, you’re a guy. You need a girl to fix it.”
He gave me a glazed expression as he pulled the trays out, looked all around the machine, tapped more buttons, and sighed.
Finally, he turned sheepishly to Jessica and squeaked, “Um, Jessica—it’s broken.”
This 5’ 3" girl, who still looks 12, was already dashing from place to place, running her booth AND the drive through efficiently. She spun around, sighed, and in one fluid motion pulled out both trays out. Balancing one on her knee, Jessica yanked the jammed paper free (letting it fall to the floor for the yahoo to pick up, of course). Sliding the trays back into the machine, she sprinted back into her booth with a final push of the start button.
I started laughing.
The kid’s shoulders dropped a bit as he returned with my Cashier’s Check.
“It’s ok buddy,” I said. “Working with all these women, you need to understand their mentality. We look at women and say, ‘Nice legs, beautiful face, lovely eyes...but when they look at us, they simply glance up and down and think, ‘I guess I can work with that’.”
Jessica and the female manager burst out laughing.
I smirked back and said bluntly, “You’re just laughing, because I’m right.” The manager bit her lip, to which I said, “And you know this for a fact because you’re getting married or have been married.”
She nodded. “Married.”
The whole time my son watched and learned the lesson in female interaction, it went over this teller’s head.
I don’t believe on the whole that men or women are better or smarter than one another. I just believe that understanding the views of the opposite sex can help us grunts look less like idiots.
Women usually perfect the art of hiding their shortcomings at an early age.
...I think that’s why they need to vent so much verbally at 2-3am.
Paid subscribers can comment, access the entire archive of this site, along with other stories, cartoons, exclusive podcast, and every article I’ve ever written. If you aren’t a paid subscriber, you can access the archive for free with a 7-day trial OR earn a paid membership by joining the referral program!
If you enjoy our content, but don’t want to become a member, consider buying us a coffee to keep us going! Thanks so much!
BONUS: 25 science experiment activity ideas for families!
Here’s another 25 ideas for your summer fun! If you’d like the full list — including both low to no cost options and variations for special needs children, consider supporting kidCLANS by purchasing “Summer Survival Guide: 975 Ways to Keep the Kids Busy.” It’s only $5…and you’ll save 50 times that using our ideas over the summer =)
1. Baking Soda and Vinegar Volcano: Create a classic volcanic eruption by combining baking soda and vinegar. Observe the chemical reaction and the resulting fizzing and bubbling.
2. Lemon Battery: Use a lemon, zinc nails, and copper wire to create a simple battery. Explore how citrus fruits can generate electricity.
3. Rainbow Walking Water: Set up glasses filled with water and food coloring. Connect them using paper towels to observe capillary action as the colors mix and create a rainbow effect.
4. Egg in Vinegar: Place an egg in a container filled with vinegar and observe how the acid dissolves the eggshell, leaving behind a flexible membrane.
5. Density Tower: Layer different liquids with varying densities, such as honey, dish soap, water, and vegetable oil, in a clear container to create a colorful density tower.
6. Mentos and Soda Geyser: Drop Mentos candies into a bottle of soda and witness the fizzy eruption caused by the rapid release of carbon dioxide.
7. Static Electricity Balloon: Rub a balloon against your hair or clothing to create static electricity. Use the balloon to attract and repel lightweight objects or even make your hair stand on end.
8. Water Cycle in a Bag: Fill a ziplock bag partially with water, seal it, and place it near a sunny window. Observe condensation, evaporation, and precipitation as the water cycle occurs within the bag.
9. Invisible Ink: Use lemon juice or diluted vinegar to write secret messages on paper. Revealing the message can be done by heating the paper or using a highlighter to reveal the hidden ink.
10. Oobleck: Mix cornstarch and water to create a non-Newtonian fluid known as oobleck. Explore its unique properties by observing how it behaves as both a liquid and a solid.
11. Skittles Rainbow: Arrange Skittles in a circular pattern on a plate and carefully pour water in the center. Observe how the colors dissolve and create a vibrant rainbow.
12. Balloon Rocket: Attach a string to two points, then thread a straw onto the string. Inflate a balloon and tape it to the straw. Release the air, and the escaping air will propel the balloon rocket along the string.
13. Solar Oven: Build a simple solar oven using a pizza box and aluminum foil. Use it to harness the sun's energy and cook a small snack, such as s'mores or melted cheese.
14. Lava Lamp: Fill a clear bottle with water, oil, and food coloring. Add an effervescent tablet (like an Alka-Seltzer) to create colorful bubbles that rise and fall like a lava lamp.
15. Magnetic Slime: Make slime using a mixture of glue, liquid starch, and iron filings. Explore the properties of magnetism by using a magnet to manipulate the slime.
16. Rubber Band Car: Build a small car using a cardboard base, a rubber band-powered axle, and wheels. Wind up the rubber band and release it to see how far the car can travel.
17. Chromatography Art: Use filter paper and water-soluble markers to explore chromatography. Draw a pattern on the filter paper and dip it in water to observe the separation of colors.
18. DIY Volcano: Create a volcano using clay or playdough and make it erupt using a combination of baking soda and vinegar. Add red food coloring for a more realistic lava effect.
19. Floating Egg: Experiment with saltwater density by adding salt to a glass of water until an egg floats. Observe how the saltwater affects the egg's buoyancy.
20. Homemade Slime: Make slime using a mixture of glue, borax, and water. Explore the properties of polymers and observe how the slime stretches and flows.
21. Rainbow Fireworks in a Jar: Fill a clear container with water and add drops of different food coloring. Slowly drop oil into the water and observe the swirling, fireworks-like patterns that form.
22. Homemade Lava Lamp: Fill a clear bottle with water and vegetable oil. Add effervescent tablets (such as Alka-Seltzer) and observe the colorful bubbles that rise and fall like a lava lamp.
23. Balloon Inflator: Use a plastic bottle, vinegar, and baking soda to create a simple balloon inflator. Combine the ingredients inside the bottle, attach a balloon to the opening, and watch it inflate.
24. Exploring Static Electricity: Rub a balloon against different materials such as wool, fur, or your hair. Observe how the balloon attracts small pieces of paper or causes hair to stand up.
25. DIY Rain Gauge: Create a rain gauge by cutting the top off a plastic bottle and placing it in a designated area outside. Measure the rainfall by observing the water level in the bottle.
I'm not one that believes men and women are 'equal'.
They are not.
To be more specific, I'm not one that believes ANY two beings, whether they be male, female, dogs, cats, goats, elephants... it doesn't matter...are 'equal'. There is always a greater and a lesser.
Always.
Mind you, I don't use the term 'better than'-- just because I can read and you may not, doesn't mean I am 'better' than you. That's not true. But I WILL say 'greater than', because there's always someone smarter, taller, stronger, faster,...and the list goes on.
Thing is, where you will be greater than me in an aspect, I will also be greater than you in another aspect.
Sure, it may only be eating doughnuts, or sucking Jell-O cubes through a straw in 90 seconds, but there ARE things I will be greater in. That's never been the real issue, IMO.
To me the issue is 'Why does it, or why SHOULD it matter?'
Sadly so many people are uncomfortable in their own skin, or dread having their lack of achievements spotlighted, that offense is taken. Part of the problem, again this is only IMO, is that too many tend to focus on the negative, rather than the positive.
...but I still like YOU,...even if you don't like me.
Neener.