How Four Words Changed My Marriage
How Four Words Changed My Marriage
No, it’s not "I Want A Divorce"
Things go through my mind when I watch the families and the community around me in real life. Things that can be fixed. Things that should be fixed. Not because of my opinion, but because being a part of society, IMO, means we have a duty and responsibility to make this a working environment. This is one of my opinions…
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These are the kinds of articles I like to write. It’s on my favorite subject to discuss.
My wife.
When you meet both of us, you quickly realize that if you want the absolute truth, you talk to my wife. If you want to hear a fun story, then you talk to me.
Convenient, this is my blog, my substack, which means you want a good story.
Coolio.
The other awesome reality about writing my own articles is that my wife is completely uninterested in what I have to say here. She doesn’t like the Internet; she doesn’t like social media, and she never reads my blog. If she hears about this, it’s going to be because one of my kids squeals on me.
Don’t say a word, Asia.
Plus, I have the assurance that she has absolutely no idea how to stop me. That being said, let me make a few statements about my wife, since she is not here.
Without a doubt, she is the most wonderful human being I have ever known.
I would also like to say, for the record, that she is the most impressive person who I have ever known. We will argue about this, because apparently I don’t know how to convey this properly or clear enough. My compliments are awkward, so it sounds more like teasing, but that’s not what I mean!
Frankly, I wish she would just try to hear the intent behind the inaccurate words that I use. Which leads to my third, and probably most important, point…
This gigantic teddy bear of a man, absolutely, positively, adores his wife.
She is my sunshine, my rain, my thunderstorm (and it’s very convenient that I love thunderstorms), and her laugh is still my very favorite sound in life.
So why did I bring all this up?
It’s because I love sharing the things that are important in my marriage. The things that I discover, usually my accident, that improve my relationship, that help me be a better person, a better man, a better husband.
The Words We Use Are Important
There’s a little conversation that I’ve had with dozens of people over the last year concerning communication between men and women. You don’t have to agree with me, but you need to understand where I’m coming from.
One of the challenging things between our species, and I’m talking about men and women is, how we use words. I didn’t come up with this — it came from a book that was recommended to me by a dear friend.
It’s called “In Sync With The Opposite Sex”1 by Alison A. Armstrong.
Guys, if you’ve never heard of Alison, I cannot recommend her works enough. Alison's works provide a better understanding of the world around you, the female species, and how they are viewed and misunderstood.
Men say what they mean. It’s part of our race, or am I supposed to say species…I can never quite remember?
On the other side, women rarely mean what they say.
Any man reading this knows if you have a spouse or a girlfriend, we usually have to go fishing for the facts of the matter. You ask if something’s wrong, she says “nothing.” So what do we do?
We believe them.
Then a short time later, our loved one shows up, pissed off, disappointed, hurt, feeling misunderstood.
Why?
We believed you.
You said “nothing” and so we went about our day, believing that it was nothing. The fact is, you didn’t mean what you said.
Which is why women rarely believe what men say.
It’s sad.
My one, and only point here,…is that the words we use matter.
So if you find specific words that improve the relationship with your loved ones, shouldn’t we consider using them?
How adding one word changes everything
In my home, and in my family, we are very loving. We don’t have a problem expressing ourselves or hugging or saying “I love you”.
Whenever I say that to my wife, which is at least once a day, she replies “I love you too.” It’s the natural response. It lets me know how she feels, or so I thought. It’s a suitable response. I’d rather hear that than nothing at all.
But it was missing something.
That phrase becomes automatic over time. It’s like a knee-jerk reaction when someone says “I love you”. After a while, it loses its magic.
That’s when my wife showed that amazing side of her — making the butterflies in my stomach flutter.
I’d come home from a meeting, which had gone superb. I come through the front door; I slip off my shoes; I hang up my coat, and I look for my wife.
She’s in the sewing room, working on a project.
Like any other evening, I put my hands on her shoulders, lean forward, give her a kiss and say, “I love you.”
“I love you back.”
That’s how she replied!
I don’t know how to explain it, but I got chills when she said that. Looking down at her, my mouth kind of dropped open, not sure what to say. A big smile crawled across my face.
That response meant something again…and I loved it.
Just by adding one word, or I should say, changing one word, my wife transformed the meaning of our love language permanently.
Now that’s all I say.
Anyone who says “I love you” I will reply “I love you back”.
Maybe I’m crazy, but can you feel the difference?
Seriously, say that to yourself out loud. Say it a few times. Or better yet, the next time someone tells you they love you, say “I love you back.”
Maybe this is all just silliness, but it works for us.
That’s why I wanted to share it with you.
Just…something to make your life a bit better.
Because I care.
Paid subscribers can comment, access the entire archive of this site, along with other stories, cartoons, exclusive podcast, and every article I’ve ever written. If you aren’t a paid subscriber, you can access the archive for free with a 7-day trial OR earn a paid membership by joining the referral program!
If you enjoy our content, but don’t want to become a member, consider buying us a coffee to keep us going! Thanks so much!
BONUS: 25 arts and crafts activity ideas for families
Here’s 25 more ideas for your summer fun! If you’d like the full list — including both low to no cost options and variations for special needs children, consider supporting kidCLANS by purchasing “Summer Survival Guide: 975 Ways to Keep the Kids Busy.” It’s only $5…and you’ll save 50 times that using our ideas over the summer =)
1. Collage Making: Create collages using old magazines, newspapers, and various materials. Cut out images, shapes, and colors to arrange and glue onto a poster board or canvas.
2. Tie-Dyeing: Transform plain white shirts, socks, or other fabric items into vibrant masterpieces with tie-dye techniques. Use different colors and patterns to create unique designs.
3. Nature Prints: Collect leaves, flowers, and other natural objects. Dip them in paint and press them onto paper or fabric to create beautiful nature-inspired prints.
4. Paper Mache: Tear newspaper into strips and create a paste using water and flour. Dip the strips into the paste and layer them over a balloon or mold to make sculptures or masks.
5. Friendship Bracelets: Learn different bracelet-making techniques using colorful threads, beads, or embroidery floss. Create personalized bracelets to exchange with family members or friends.
6. Origami: Explore the ancient art of paper folding. Use origami paper or any square piece of paper to create various animals, flowers, and geometric shapes.
7. DIY Painted Rocks: Collect smooth rocks and paint them with acrylic paints or markers. Create designs, patterns, or even little creatures to decorate your garden or use as paperweights.
8. Recycled Art: Use recycled materials like cardboard, bottle caps, or plastic bottles to create unique sculptures, masks, or collages. Encourage creativity while promoting sustainability.
9. Clay Modeling: Use air-dry clay or playdough to sculpt shapes, animals, or objects. Let the creations air dry or bake them in the oven to preserve them.
10. Paper Quilling: Roll and shape colorful strips of paper to create intricate designs. Use the quilled paper to make cards, wall art, or jewelry.
11. Suncatchers: Cut out shapes from colorful tissue paper or cellophane. Glue them onto contact paper or a plastic sheet, and hang them near windows to catch the sunlight.
12. Popsicle Stick Crafts: Build structures, puppets, or picture frames using popsicle sticks. Paint or decorate them with markers, glitter, or other craft materials.
13. Fabric Painting: Use fabric paints or markers to decorate plain t-shirts, tote bags, or pillowcases. Design custom wearable art or functional items.
14. Handprint Art: Trace and cut out family members' handprints on colorful paper. Arrange them in a collage or use them to create animals, flowers, or other imaginative artwork.
15. Mosaic Art: Cut out small pieces of colored paper, tile, or glass. Glue them onto a surface, such as a wooden board or a flowerpot, to create mosaic patterns or pictures.
16. Card Making: Design and create personalized greeting cards for special occasions. Use various materials like colored paper, ribbons, stickers, and markers to add a personal touch.
17. String Art: Hammer nails into a wooden board in a specific pattern or shape. Wrap colorful string around the nails to create geometric designs or silhouettes.
18. Paper Lanterns: Fold and decorate paper to make lanterns. Insert a small LED light or candle inside to create a warm and inviting glow.
19. Bead Jewelry: String colorful beads onto elastic cord or wire to make bracelets, necklaces, or keychains. Experiment with different bead shapes, sizes, and colors.
20. Mask Making: Use paper plates, cardboard, or craft foam to create masks. Paint, decorate, and add embellishments to bring your masks to life.
21. Paper Bag Puppets: Decorate paper bags with markers, googly eyes, and yarn to create puppets. Use them for imaginative play or to put on puppet shows.
22. Paper Lantern Fish: Cut out fish shapes from colorful paper or cardstock. Attach a string or thread to create a school of hanging fish lanterns.
23. Paper Chains: Cut strips of colored paper and create interlocking loops to make paper chains. Hang them as decorations for parties or celebrations.
24. Yarn Crafts: Use yarn to make pom-poms, tassels, or woven wall hangings. Explore different techniques and create textured and colorful crafts.
25. Button Art: Arrange and glue colorful buttons onto a canvas or cardboard to create vibrant button art. Experiment with different shapes and sizes to make unique designs.
Which suggestions have you used this week?
This is an affiliate link to the book. If you click it, I’ll make a few pennies, but it doesn’t change your price at all.