Create Unity Between Parents

In my family, Kathi and I strive to be united in every respect when it comes to our children. This isn’t about who is right, but what is right.

Dec 14, 2023

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Never allow a day to go by without taking a moment, getting the full attention of your sweetheart and saying, ‘I love you, with all my soul.’

…and if they beat you to it, reply, “I love you back.”

-Jaime Buckley

Introduction

I married well.

It’s not bragging, even though I feel to brag about Kathi with every breath—it’s just fact.

I am both blessed and honored by the woman I call my wife. She is thoughtful, kind, considerate, far more patient than I…and nearly perfect in every way but one.

She has horrible taste in men.

Fortunately or me, on the other hand, I have perfect taste in women.

There are amazing parents throughout this world, both men and women. I’m not here to point fingers at anyone or to pass judgements, but I am here to make a statement.

Children grow up stronger and better adjusted IF they have loving parents raising them.

A father AND a mother.

A mother AND a father.

Yes, there are exceptional single parents out there, doing the best they can—and many raise equally exceptional children.

But these are the exceptions, while too many carry on as if this is the rule.

It’s not.

Men and women have specific roles to play in the lives of their children. Though we might compensate for each other from time to time, it will not be as beneficial as two loving and united parents.

Part of this is how we strengthen, support, and reinforce one another.

What Did Mom Say?

If you have children over the age of three, it’s likely you’ve had this experience.

Your child wants to do something, like play outside, and he or she asks their mother.

For whatever reason—which will likely be practical and thought out, mother says “no”.

So what does any self-respecting, determined child do?

The decide to get a second opinion.

This is where Ruby (or ANY of my children for that matter) used to come to me and ask ever-so-innocently for permission to go do something.

Because of course, they want to make sure it’s okay do do what they’re asking to do, right?

…and dad’s the boss.

So it comes as a great surprise when their father turns to them, and asks what their mother has said about it.

The WHY

In my family, Kathi and I strive to be united in every respect when it comes to our children.

This isn’t about who is right, but what is right.

We never say unkind things about each other when talking to the children.

Ever.

There’s a special strength and power when the children know they can go to either parent and get the same answer.

Oh, there are times when we haven’t had time to chat and coordinate—but the wonderful thing there, is that we have no problem taking a step back.

“Nope. Changing my answer here, kids. I was not aware your father had already talked to you about this.” Or, “Sorry guys, I jumped to conclusions there, and mom filled me on some things I was unaware of—so here’s what we’re going to do…”

These children belong to BOTH of you.

This specific issue is doubly important if you’re divorced and are trying to raise children together.

Your WHY is something to be discussed deeply between mom and dad, so you develop a strong unity. Talk about principles (discipline, teaching, etc.), goals (how you want your children to turn out, education, etc.), and methods (how to…everything).

Doing so creates a bond between you two, and will foster a confidence from your children.

The HOW

This is one on one time.

Place your thoughts, feelings, and ideas not the table and discuss them. Be open, honest, and explain why you think the way you do—share your perspectives.

Then listen to and welcome the same from your spouse.

Pay particular attention to the perspectives—because there’s something amazing about this aspect of a marriage.

You don’t have to know everything.

Your spouse is your other perspective, and you are theirs.

If one of you get the answer, you both win!

Use that to your advantage, because you both have strengths that will come in handy during the raising of your child.

Go over your WHY with you spouse. Talk about it. Discuss it.

You might find tweaks and make it better.

Conclusion

When this journey is over and your child is all grown up and out of the house, guess what?

The two of you will have each other.

Remember that.

You started this journey together, and you’ll end it together.

HAHAHAHAHA

Just kidding, parenting never ends, even when they leave.

They just come back with a new set of problems they need your help with…but hey, they’ll bring a magnificent bonus for you to enjoy.

Grandbabies.

…but that’s for another time.

Oh, and again—never talk ill about each other.

Ever.

You won’t just undermine your own parenting efforts—you’ll break the heart of your child.

Don’t do it.

What To Do Next:

Go on a date.

Love your spouse.

Let them know how grateful you are for them, and tell them WHY.

You’ve got this.

QUESTION: What is your biggest struggle in being consistent with your children?

NEXT TIME: Eliminate Unhelpful Emotions