kidCLANS

Generate Strength and Resolve

Jaime Buckley 💎 — Wed, 13 Mar 2024 12:02:48 GMT

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‘I can’t,’ is a lie we tell ourselves when we simply find something uncomfortable or inconvenient to do.

-Jaime Buckley

Introduction

When you’ve discovered your WHY, thought ahead, maintained consistency, focused on what it means to BE a parent, it can build unity in a marriage. That unity fosters in us a growing control over our unwanted/needed emotions, which allows us to focus on what’s MOST important in our lives.

You’ve grown quite a bit, my friend.

I’m excited for both of us!

Now take a moment and allow yourself a deep breath.

Seriously. Right now.

Take a deeeeeeeep breath.

Let it out slowly.

Think about who you’re becoming.

About who your amazing child is becoming.

Yes, I know there’s been trials. There have been mistakes, and very likely some bad choices on your, OR your child’s part.

That’s called life.

But it’s also what I call success in motion.

Just as a new infant looks about and strives to mimic us walking through practice and believing they can create the same outcome, you and I can see others about us with ‘more’ harmonious lives. We see families and parents with unity (at least what we can see). We see children who DO behave as they are asked and raised to.

So we focus on what we have right in front of us and do what we know how to do.

One day at a time.

Because You’re Worth It

There have been times when I thought I would fly to pieces.

Points in my life where the challenges seemed to far outweigh what strength my wife and I had to give.

Issues kept coming—hits to our beliefs, to our time, draining resources, or worse—expectations from others taking whatever we had left in us.

But nothing hit me as hard as having to deal with a child who chose a completely different path from what we’d taught him. And yes, I’m talking about the son who ended up in the custody of the state, which I mentioned in “Create Meaning In What You Do.”

This happened at the very center of this experience, and with all the other challenges I had going on in my life, I was cracking.

Years after all this was over, my wonderful son—whom I deeply admire and have confidence in—went out to lunch with me. He was in from out of state and I asked him if we could just spend the day together, just him and me.

During that day, he asked me, “Why didn’t you give up on me, dad?”

*pause*

Sorry—just a sec.

*sniff*

It was during the darkest times that I spent time alone, pondering what I was doing…second guessing who I was, and if I had the sheer strength to do what had to be done.

My WHY became more important to me in those moments that I can express—because it reminded me of who I was, in that moment.

It became the voice of reason that I didn’t have to doubt, because I was in a great place in my life when I started thinking about this. When I started forming my WHY and writing it down.

I could trust what I was reading with my whole soul—and it reminded me of the MOST important reason why I just could not give up, no matter the cost.

“Because, son,” I choked out, grabbing his forearm, “you…are…MINE.”

I looked him in the eyes and gave him the most loving smile I could muster as I started to cry. “Your choices don’t change that. You can’t escape it. Because I love you.”

Then I gave him a bear hug.

“And in the end, I’ve always been right”

He gave me his signature chuckle. “About what?”

“That you’re worth fighting for.”

The WHY

I can’t stress this enough: you will have challenges that push you to your very limit.

To the core of your beliefs and strength.

And in those moments, you’re going to need a clear and potent perspective you can count on—something that can shout over the confusion and contradictions of your life.

That is and will remain, your WHY.

WHY you are a parent.
WHY you do what you do.
WHY you want the outcomes you do.
WHY your children are worth every struggle, every swing, and every creak, crack, and moan as you get up off that damn ground…one more time.

The HOW

Can you see why I’ve said it’s so important for you to take the time to truly think, ponder, and question your WHY?

If you’re struggling to shape that belief, I suggest you try something.

Take some time and look up the most common struggles of teens, and even better yet—look up the struggles facing families.

Read the articles, the reports—look at the statistics, and then ponder on how you’re going to handle those very challenges.

Because you are more than likely to meet them head on at some point.

Conclusion

Oh, I did that same research myself.

Thing is, I didn’t have to deal with most of what I read—not head on.

But I did have to deal with common issues faced by most families, because it came into my house through my children’s friends and associations.

Through TV, social media, movies, and music.

You are not, and never will be, immune to the issues that plague the families around you. Doesn’t matter what resources or what social class you’re a part of.

It’s a small, small world…and the problems are looking for you.

So do your homework today.

It’s not too late.

What To Do Next:

Do some research through a search engine on ‘common teen problems’ and ‘common family problems’.

I suggest using BRAVE, and NOT Google.

You may not know this, but Google is almost exclusively run by an AI (artificial intelligence), which curates what you ask. TRANSLATION: Google only gives you what IT thinks you should know.

BRAVE gives you exactly what you ask for—and personally, I like making up my own mind.

Go over your WHY after you’ve done some reading and decide how you will meet these same challenges.

You’ve got this.

QUESTION: What have you overcome by being consistent and using your inner strength?

NEXT TIME: Dealing With Outside Forces

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Keep Your Focus

Jaime Buckley 💎 — Thu, 01 Feb 2024 16:00:44 GMT

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Miracles can happen when we focus on the MOST important things of life.

-Jaime Buckley

Introduction

If there’s one thing you count on in life, it’s distractions.

Life and society tend to fill every crevice of our attention with something. A place to go, a person to talk to, something to do…but when I stop to think about it, are these things the MOST important things to do?

If you haven’t seen this video, I highly recommend you take the few minutes to watch it.

I know, I know—just talked about being distracted, and now I’m giving you a YouTube video to watch! But I promise this is important and will give you a particular perspective on king focused upon the MOST important things.

Here’s the video:

I Think I’m Gonna Pass

A few years back something strange and I’ll say wonderful, happened to me in my career.

If you didn’t know, I’ve been a professional illustrator for 36 years, and I’ve also been building a fictional world for my kids (and yours) since 2005, called Wanted Hero.

Well my wife and I were being hit with all sorts of challenges when it came to our family.

Most of it was dealing with new relationships, schooling for the teens, and dealing with a slew of illnesses. In fact, we’d just buried both a dear friend and a family member within two months of each other.

The whole household was at a low, and my own health was starting to drop.

I sent many nights worrying about how my kids were doing. Kathi and I talked until late into the night about how a certain child needed more attention, while another just wouldn’t talk to us and was struggling in nearly every aspect of their life.

My biggest stress was making sure the bills were paid, so we had a roof over our heads and we could live indoors during the winter.

Then it happened.

Someone noticed the epic size of the Wanted Hero world…AND they noticed how I was weaving a entertainment web that would cover the globe given time and effort.

…and I got a surprise visit from an executive of a company I’m not allowed to name.

I felt a bit intimidated, sitting exhausted in my worn jeans and smiley T-shirt, looking across at this clean cut older gentleman, dressed in his fine suit.

In the midst of all the chaos, where I was struggling to provide for my family and every waking hour was consumed with being there for my children and helping them through these difficult experience, I was offered one million dollars.

That’s right, one…million…dollars.

For the exclusive rights to market Wanted Hero as it stood at this point.

Nine books, 13 comics, two graphic novels, a game, posters, t-shirt designs, and an online interactive world where I have been uploading 3 million words in notes.

Here I thought I’d feel like the weight would have lifted from my shoulders, but it didn’t.

Instead, I felt like a 50lb bowl of water was slammed down on my lungs and I struggled to breathe.

I would also be required to work harder than I’d ever worked before (though this guy didn’t know how hard I worked day in and day out, so, whatever). That included spending far less time with my family, and most of that time would be away from home.

That wasn’t a bad thing in some instances — but I chose to work at home so my family had access to me. So I could be there for my wife and especially my children.

Who needed me now, more than ever.

…and I thought of my WHY.

WHY did I choose to be a father?
WHY did I choose to work from home?
WHY did I take the career route I did?

BECAUSE — that was the best way to be the father my children needed, and it was the best way to be the father I was MEANT to be.

“Thank you, for this offer. I’m grateful. But I’m gonna have to pass.”

The man looked at me stunned. “Pass,…on a million dollars?”

I nodded weakly, “Yeah.”

“You want some time to think this through? That’s a lot of money, and I think we could take this places you never thought of.”

The bowl of water slowly rose from my chest—which told me I was taking the right path.

“It’s not worth the effect it would have on my children. Me being gone and losing focus on what’s most important to me. That’s them.”

He opened his mouth, but I raised my hand to interrupt.

“I really am grateful, but I promised myself I’d never do an exclusive for anything. I’ve never known where the blessings would come from, or the relationships. If I took your offer, I wall up any possibilities of the true success I fully expect to have.”

I felt good about that decision. Really good. Especially since my parenting WHY blazed like a beacon in the back of my mind.

Turns out this corporation wasn’t the right group to work with after all.

The words this executive used at me on his way out would not have passed my PG-13 standard rating.

The WHY

Either your efforts to raise your children in a specific way are worth it,…or they’re not.

Only you know the answer to that.

But I’ll tell you, from personal experience, that life is going to throw some serious curveballs.

You won’t know when. You won’t know how.

But count on it hitting you hard when you least expect it—and it just might make you consider compromising on the values you’ve chosen to live by.

I’m not saying not to choose another path.

For me it wasn’t the right choice to make, BECAUSE it would have completely changed the kind of father I WANTED to be.

But that’s me.

We’re talking about you.

I’m saying that I strongly encourage you to take a step back and take a closer look at your WHY in situations like that, and then weigh and consider your options.

I think the worst word in the English language is compromise. It always feels like I’m giving up on what I shouldn’t.

Personally, I prefer the word agreement.

I’m NOT willing to compromise, but I am willing to come to an agreement we both feel good about.

Never compromise your WHY.

The HOW

This is about your nature, and your habits.

Your determination to be the parent you want to be, and to raise the kind of child you outlined in your WHY.

The key is to be thoughtful.

Don’t rush into making decisions.

Strive to weigh and consider any long-term decisions you make—and pay attention if these decisions will change the way you raise your child.

Conclusion

You’ve probably noticed by now that parenting takes a great deal out of us.

It takes a lot of thought, planning, and especially consistent followthrough if we hope to raise the children we want.

I will say this once more, and will continue to say it over and over for the rest of my life:

It’s worth it.

What To Do Next

Now is a good time to do a retrospect over the past month.

Are you on top of your goals?

How are your relationships coming along, both with your children AND your spouse?

Consider taking some time to focus on them.

Let them know you love them, and tell them what you’re proud of them for.

FORGET THE NEGATIVES this time.

Just focus on the good they do, and let them know you noticed.

Trust me on this.

You’ve got this!

QUESTION: What is the biggest goal you’re striving for but struggle with?

NEXT TIME: Generate Strength and Resolve

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Eliminate Unhelpful Emotions

Jaime Buckley 💎 — Mon, 01 Jan 2024 15:00:43 GMT

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It’s only a lack of control you should fear, not feeling too much.

-Jaime Buckley

Introduction

Have you ever wondered if how you feel gets in the way of what you should do?

I have.

We are creatures of emotion, by nature.

But those very emotions that can grant us strength to barrel through something difficult, can also hinder us from making the right choice at times.

Emotions can taint perspectives, even love…and if we’re not careful, can be the cause of harm to our children.

Taking Responsibility When No On Else Would

Many years ago, one of my kids made some bad choices and got into trouble.

One of the things I have told each and every child of mine is, “Please don’t go where I can’t follow and protect you.”

My child made some choices that took him out of my protection and eventually into the arms of the state.

When my wife and I were at the courthouse waiting, we noticed more than half a dozen youth, all older than our young teen, with their mothers. I was the only father present.

Odd thing was, each one of them had a lawyer with them.

Over the course of then next 30 minutes, I heard each and every lawyer say in one from or another, “This isn’t your child’s fault.” To which the mother would coddle the kid, who more often than not looked…bored.

Now, I’d considered a lawyer, but something felt…wrong about it. So after discussing the issue with my wife, we both agreed on what we were there for.

Our child had broken the law, and we were there to accept full responsibility and accountability for breaking that law.

Yes, we felt a bit scared, a lot concerned, but our WHY defined what kind of parents we were and what we required of our children. Part of that was to be law-abiding people.

People who took full responsibility for their actions.

Which came to the complete shock of the prosecuting attorney.

“Where’s…your lawyer,” she asked us as we were ushered into the meeting room.

“We don’t have one,” I explained. “My child is guilty. He turned himself in. We’re here to take responsibility for his choices.”

She sat down and smiled at us.

“I had the chance to interview your son. He’s not like the kids out there. He was so proper. ‘Yes, mam. No, mam. Please. Thank you. And he confessed everything.” She leaned forward then, “He doesn’t belong here. I’m convinced he’s a good boy who made a bad choice, so I’d like to help.”

She did just that.

Our son was placed in a wonderful program we couldn’t afford, free of charge by order of the judge.

Our boy graduated with flying colors, tot he standing ovation of the courtroom, led by the judge himself.

“Successes like this, and youth like you are why those of us in this courtroom chose this profession,” he said, beaming at our child. Then he turned to the case worker.

“Is there any reason why the state should not return full custody of this young man back over to his parents?”

The case worker shook his head. “You’r honor, there is nothing the state could do that the Buckley’s couldn’t do ten times better. They’re parenting Rockstars.”

I think that’s the nicest compliment I’ve ever received.

The WHY

Parenting is an emotional business.

We worry about our children.

We experience pain and anxiety over these lives we brought into the world.

But our WHY—also helps us to keep our emotions in check—so we can do the right things for the right reasons.

Sometimes even when it goes against everything we actually want.

The HOW

I have to admit that this is one of the most difficult aspects of being a parent for me.

What we go through when raising our children is hard to describe, and often makes no sense to those who either don’t have kids…or don’t care.

Take a close look at the WHY you’ve been crafting.

This document, or in my own case a collection of documents, is an agreement with myself—outlining how I will conduct myself.

It also outlines WHY I will conduct myself the way I will.

…because the goals and objectives I have for my child and my family as a whole are worth more than my emotions.

Remind yourself of that.

Because if your emotions are more important than the goals you’ve set for yourself, you might want to rethink them.

Conclusion

There’s a time and place for our emotions.

Our WHY is a tool to help us keep those emotions in their proper place, so we can accomplish our parenting goals.

I don’t personally think there’s such a thing as too much emotion.

Not as long as we keep them in check, so they don’t ruin what maters most.

Our kids.

What To Do Next

Take a personal inventory of your emotions.

List any situations where you have allowed your emotions to take the lead over your principles.

Get feedback from your spouse—as there are oftentimes situations we miss and can use another perspective.

Make a plan on how you’ll keep your emotions in check the next time you find yourself in a similar situation.

You’e got this.

QUESTION: Have you ever made a decision on feelings alone and did more damage than good? What happened and how did you fix it?

NEXT TIME: Keep Your Focus

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Create Unity Between Parents

Jaime Buckley 💎 — Thu, 14 Dec 2023 16:31:19 GMT

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Never allow a day to go by without taking a moment, getting the full attention of your sweetheart and saying, ‘I love you, with all my soul.’

…and if they beat you to it, reply, “I love you back.”

-Jaime Buckley

Introduction

I married well.

It’s not bragging, even though I feel to brag about Kathi with every breath—it’s just fact.

I am both blessed and honored by the woman I call my wife. She is thoughtful, kind, considerate, far more patient than I…and nearly perfect in every way but one.

She has horrible taste in men.

Fortunately or me, on the other hand, I have perfect taste in women.

There are amazing parents throughout this world, both men and women. I’m not here to point fingers at anyone or to pass judgements, but I am here to make a statement.

Children grow up stronger and better adjusted IF they have loving parents raising them.

A father AND a mother.

A mother AND a father.

Yes, there are exceptional single parents out there, doing the best they can—and many raise equally exceptional children.

But these are the exceptions, while too many carry on as if this is the rule.

It’s not.

Men and women have specific roles to play in the lives of their children. Though we might compensate for each other from time to time, it will not be as beneficial as two loving and united parents.

Part of this is how we strengthen, support, and reinforce one another.

What Did Mom Say?

If you have children over the age of three, it’s likely you’ve had this experience.

Your child wants to do something, like play outside, and he or she asks their mother.

For whatever reason—which will likely be practical and thought out, mother says “no”.

So what does any self-respecting, determined child do?

The decide to get a second opinion.

This is where Ruby (or ANY of my children for that matter) used to come to me and ask ever-so-innocently for permission to go do something.

Because of course, they want to make sure it’s okay do do what they’re asking to do, right?

…and dad’s the boss.

So it comes as a great surprise when their father turns to them, and asks what their mother has said about it.

The WHY

In my family, Kathi and I strive to be united in every respect when it comes to our children.

This isn’t about who is right, but what is right.

We never say unkind things about each other when talking to the children.

Ever.

There’s a special strength and power when the children know they can go to either parent and get the same answer.

Oh, there are times when we haven’t had time to chat and coordinate—but the wonderful thing there, is that we have no problem taking a step back.

“Nope. Changing my answer here, kids. I was not aware your father had already talked to you about this.” Or, “Sorry guys, I jumped to conclusions there, and mom filled me on some things I was unaware of—so here’s what we’re going to do…”

These children belong to BOTH of you.

This specific issue is doubly important if you’re divorced and are trying to raise children together.

Your WHY is something to be discussed deeply between mom and dad, so you develop a strong unity. Talk about principles (discipline, teaching, etc.), goals (how you want your children to turn out, education, etc.), and methods (how to…everything).

Doing so creates a bond between you two, and will foster a confidence from your children.

The HOW

This is one on one time.

Place your thoughts, feelings, and ideas not the table and discuss them. Be open, honest, and explain why you think the way you do—share your perspectives.

Then listen to and welcome the same from your spouse.

Pay particular attention to the perspectives—because there’s something amazing about this aspect of a marriage.

You don’t have to know everything.

Your spouse is your other perspective, and you are theirs.

If one of you get the answer, you both win!

Use that to your advantage, because you both have strengths that will come in handy during the raising of your child.

Go over your WHY with you spouse. Talk about it. Discuss it.

You might find tweaks and make it better.

Conclusion

When this journey is over and your child is all grown up and out of the house, guess what?

The two of you will have each other.

Remember that.

You started this journey together, and you’ll end it together.

HAHAHAHAHA

Just kidding, parenting never ends, even when they leave.

They just come back with a new set of problems they need your help with…but hey, they’ll bring a magnificent bonus for you to enjoy.

Grandbabies.

…but that’s for another time.

Oh, and again—never talk ill about each other.

Ever.

You won’t just undermine your own parenting efforts—you’ll break the heart of your child.

Don’t do it.

What To Do Next:

Go on a date.

Love your spouse.

Let them know how grateful you are for them, and tell them WHY.

You’ve got this.

QUESTION: What is your biggest struggle in being consistent with your children?

NEXT TIME: Eliminate Unhelpful Emotions

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Create Meaning In What You Do

Jaime Buckley 💎 — Fri, 17 Nov 2023 19:00:17 GMT

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I can think of no greater goal than to leave this world better than I found it, by providing more love and determination to do good through my children.

Jaime Buckley

Introduction

There are times in life when parenting is a very lonely profession. Times when you are striving to do all the right things for all the right reasons, and it feels like the world’s against you. As if each and every decision you make is fought, argued, ignored, and rejected.

Welcome to being a parent.

It’s a long-term battle…but I promise you it’s worth it. You might not see it right now, but it’s worth it.

What if I told you there was a way to have purpose behind everything you do? That clarifying your WHY enabled you to know that even the smallest actions you take mattered?

…even if no one ever sees or acknowledges what you do?

Unexpected Calls

One of the things in my own WHY as a parent, was to be the kind of father my married children would appreciate. To teach them and impart my values in such a way that it would, hopefully, make their adult life—and being a parent themselves, easier.

Like any family and any other parent, I’ve had many struggles and challenges with my children.

They’re wonderful people, but we didn’t always see eye to eye, and sometimes they flat out disagreed.

I’ve always appreciated that they were self-thinkers—and I wanted that for them (after I’d left the room to cool down, of course). But this also honed my wife and I in communicating with teens, and learning the skills of navigating the perspectives they insisted were the ‘truth’.

My focus was to remain consistent, and when I learned how to do something better, or I learned a better way/perspective, I tried to improve as fast as I could.

I wish I could say all went well, but it didn’t.

Some of the challenges we had as parents nearly did me in, and I had times when I felt I would give up on the children left at home.

That’s when my WHY kicked in.

I’d decided before any of my kids had been born, that I was going to be the best father I knew how to be, despite the views of my family, friends, and those around me. I wasn’t perfect, I knew I’d make both mistakes and wrong choices, but my resolve was to focus on being on a state of improvement for both myself and my family.

That’s what was MOST important.

It didn’t matter if anyone noticed my efforts, even though I hoped someone would eventually see what I was trying to do.

I was doing this because it was the RIGHT thing to do, not because I’d get some pat on the back.

Forward this story a handful of years later…

I got a phone call out of the blue from one of my daughters.

“Dad, I just wanted to tell you that I love you,…and I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” I said, confused, “Why would you be sorry?”

There was a soft sigh on the other end of the call. “Because I just…didn’t understand why you did some of the things you did, when I was younger.”

“Oh.”

“I know I got upset at times, and even complained. I was wrong.” She then proceeded to explain some challenges she’d been having with my grandchild. In the midst of dealing with a similar problem I had faced with her, something had clicked.

“I get it now,” she said softly, “and I wanted to say ‘thank you’ for being you. For not giving up on me.”

I choked back my tears as nearly a decade of emotional healing took place in my heart and mind. Things I believed in so deeply, but ended up questioning at times, due to being alone in my stance.

“I love you, ya know.”

I could hear her smile. “And I love you back.”

It was a phone call I had given my own father a few years earlier.

Funny thing was, several of her siblings gave me a similar phone call over the next couple of months.

Each one as precious as this call.

The WHY

They’re worth it, you know. Your child.

Each and every effort and sacrifice you make—even if it’s for the chance of helping them get through life and learning critical lessons so they can become responsible, good, self-thinking adults and parents themselves.

It worth it, so don’t give up on them.

Cling to your WHY…because sometimes it’s all you’ll have.

The HOW

When we have goals we’re trying to achieve such as exercise—we know by following through on walking, or eating right, changes will occur. You’ll get stronger, look better, and have more endurance to enjoy life more, right?

Our WHY does the same for us—so list the end results you want for you and your children.

I created for myself a letter, written to my future self.

In it, I talked about how I pictured my children, grown up as adults.

How they would walk and talk. How they interacted with others, and solved the problems in their own lives.

They wouldn’t be able to do much of those things unless someone taught them what to do—and that was my job.

To teach them.

That meant something to me.

To be the one willing to do the hard things, make the hard decisions, and to stand firm as a loving example when those around me wanted to cave or give in.

Even if no one understood.

But I always had hope that they would.

Some day.

Eventually.

Maybe.

…but I’d do it even if they didn’t.

Because, as I said—it was the RIGHT thing to do.

Conclusion

You have the greatest and hardest job in the world.

Doing the right thing, for the right reason, even if the world is against you.

Because these little lives are depending on you.

They need you.

Even if they don’t say anything.

Even if they don’t appreciate it.

Even if they fight you.

So do it, because you love them and want the best for them.

What To Do Next:

Now that you know how your WHY can create meaning for you—something you can hold onto when you’re facing times alone, craft that knowledge for yourself.

Take some time and ponder what you hope to help your children to become.

Take your time.

Focus on what matters most.

Their character.

Their values.

How they will be able to live their lives more fully, because of what you can teach them.

Not through force, but by instruction and invitation.

Always through love.

You’ve got this.

QUESTION: What is your biggest struggle in being consistent with your children?

NEXT TIME: Create Unity Between Parents

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If you prefer to give a one-time donation, consider buying us coffee through our ko-fi page. Thank you!

Maintaining Consistency

Jaime Buckley 💎 — Tue, 31 Oct 2023 12:01:07 GMT

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Magic happens in a relationship between child and parent, when the child knows they can count on you in any given situation to be fair and just.

Jaime Buckley

Introduction

If there’s one thing I could guarantee will bring about your downfall as a parent, it’s a lack of consistency.

Children, and young children in particular, must have consistency if they are to learn and thrive under your direction. What’s worse, is that if you lack consistency, your child will develop the opinion that you are a liar.

Because you are.

Harsh, I know…but think about this.

You see your child behaving in a way they shouldn’t and you give them a warning. They don’t stop, so you warn them again. They don’t stop — so you tell them you will punish them for the bad behavior (let’s say a spanking).

Thing is, you don’t actually want to spank them — but it sounds scary or firm enough to get them to comply to your wishes.

The problem with this is you had no intention to follow through, so the next time they behave, all you do is issue out the same threat. You simply put more feeling and intensity in your voice.

You’ve already lost, because you lied about the punishment and didn’t follow through. Why would your child believe you now? Because now you mean it?

Riiiiight.

Please Don’t Make Me Spank You

Ruby is my youngest of the 13. She’s intelligent, she’s funny, and for a two year old, she has the will of a titan. The other thing is…she’s a screamer.

I mean the banshee from hell, the world’s gonna end kind of screamer, especially when she’s mad. The whole house knows when this girl has been offended for any reason.

The GOOD news is that she and I have a strong connection. We have since she was born. So when I am compelled to punish her, it’s more about the emotional tie than any pain or discomfort. She’s saddened knowing that I’m disappointed in her—something she shares with her oldest brother Evan.

There are times when Ruby is so angry or distraught that she gets beyond her mothers ability to deal with her…and daddy gets involved. I’ll call her to me.

“Ruby, what’s wrong?” I’ll ask.

“Roman took my doll.”

“And you screamed,” I’ll add, to let her know I noticed.

Often she’ll nod sadly and say nothing, but sometimes she’ll deny it — so I let her know that I heard her. “What did daddy tell you to use?”

“My words.”

“That’s right,” I’ll smile, adding a soft pat on the shoulder or brushing the hair from her face to help eye contact. “You remembered! Good job. So I want you to use those words.”

“But I’m mad,” she replies, “Because it was my doll.”

“I can tell. But when you get mad at someone, daddy wants you to get help, huh.”

“Huh,” she will repeat, nodding.

“Ruby, daddy doesn’t want you to scream like that. I want you to use your words. So if you scream again, daddy is going to spank your bottom.”

That’s when tears will start to flow. “But I don’t want spanked,” she’ll huff.

Often I’ll hug her — but this is the moment that’s a big deal for both of us. It’s when I’ll make sure I have her full attention, and I do all I can to make sure she feels the love and concern in my words and countenance.

“I know, sweetheart. Daddy doesn’t want to spank you either. It makes daddy sad to spank you. So I want you to not scream.”

“Okay.”

“Because if you scream again, daddy will spank you. Alright?”

“Alright,” she sniffs.

Then I’ll pull her in, give her a big hug and kiss and add, “So I want you to try really hard to remember, okay?”

Nodding, “Okay.”

Then off she goes.

Most of the time, that’s the last I’ll hear for hours on end, unless she gets teased by her brother. That’s another story/situation. However, on these occasions when she goes right back to screaming, I’ll either call her back, or she gets brought back to me. Usually kicking and screaming along the way.

Once she sees me, she’ll stop screaming.

“Ruby,” I’ll say softly and motion for her to come to me. “Did daddy talk to you about screaming?”

Nodding, “Yes.”

“And did you scream again?”

Most of the time she says yes, but once in a while, when she knows she’s in trouble, she’ll shake her head.

“Ruby, daddy said that if you scream again, you would need to be spanked.”

Crying, “But I don’t want spanked.”

Now its me who gets watery eyes. “And daddy doesn’t want to spank you, but you screamed again, so now I have to.”

What follows is a spank just firm enough to make an impression on her emotions, but not her backside (hope that makes sense). Ruby will cry, and I’ll hold her in my arms and rub her back, telling her I love her…and then comes the key. I’ll make sure we are looking at each other, and then explain:

“It hurts daddy to see you cry, Ruby, because I love you. So please don’t scream again, because I don’t WANT to spank you. But I will, if you choose to scream again, okay?”

“Okay,” she will usually reply, or nod.

Over 90% of the time, that’s the last I’ll have issues with her for the day. It’s not all the time, but the moods in the life of a two year old fluctuate. As parents, we are in this for the long haul if we want the lasting results.

The WHY

I choose to be consistent, because my WHY tells me that I want children that have both trust and confidence in me. For them to have trust and confidence in me, they must be able to count on my consistency. They can be mad at me, they can disagree with me, but my children can, for the most part, tell you how I will react or act in almost any given situation.

Because I am consistent.

Funny thing — I bumped into one of my religious leaders a while back, and I stopped him in the church hallway. There had been a rumor going around about me and my conduct, but I couldn’t find out where it came from.

The man shook his head and laughed. “Don’t worry about it, Jaime. No one who knows you has listened to the lies. If there’s one thing we’ve learned about you over the last 25 years, is you’re consistent.”

I smiled.

That was nice to know.

The HOW

I know I used a punishment as an example for consistency, but it’s not limited to this. You need to be consistent in whatever your goals are with your children.

Do you make sure they’re homework is completed—if that’s what’s important to you?
Are the dishes done in a timely manner? Or some other chore you’ve instructed your child to do?
Do they hang the towels up in the bathroom, or pick up their clothes from the floor?
Do they share their toys, like I strive to teach Ruby?

In the most simple of terms, say what you mean, and mean what you say.

It really is that simple. It’s just not easy. You’ll be tempted to make exceptions. To play favorites.

Don’t.

Your integrity will always hang in the balance, and the cost of compromise isn’t worth the long-term damage you’ll do to yourself and others.

Conclusion

There’s something I’d like to say in closing, because it’s one of my core beliefs as a parent:

Never discipline a child in anger. Ever.

It is never the right course to take, and I promise you that you will damage your relationship with your child. That goes triple if you’re issuing anything physical, like a spanking, especially to a little child.

No exceptions.

Yes, you can be upset, you can and probably will be disappointed at times, but when you are dishing out a punishment you should be calm, direct, and focused. Usher out only enough to do the job it’s meant to do. If you can’t do this with a genuine smile, a soft, kind voice and a gentle hand, walk away. Get yourself in a good, loving place before addressing your child.

Discipline should be about the child, not you.

Anything more than this, and I promise you’ll regret it.

What To Do Next

Because consistency is so important, I suggest you take twenty minutes and ponder on your own patterns as a parent. Write down the process you have and study it.

Are there improvements you can make?
Are there ways to make this more personal between you and your child, so it sticks?

Try and list three things you can do to improve your consistency. Just three—and work on those. When you master that, find three more.

You’ve got this.

QUESTION: What is your biggest struggle in being consistent with your children?

NEXT TIME: Create Meaning In What You Do

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The Decision Has Already Been Made

Jaime Buckley 💎 — Tue, 17 Oct 2023 12:00:19 GMT

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Your children are always watching you…especially when you think they aren’t. The most powerful thing you can do is lead by your example.

Jaime Buckley

Introduction

When I started this series with ‘Discovering our Parenting WHY’, I mentioned that knowing our ‘why’ was one of, if not THE most critical aspect of our parenting foundation.

Because knowing why you do something helps clarify other aspects of our lives.

It empowers us in so many ways—the most helpful, in my opinion, being that when you are faced with a hard choice, the decision has already been made. You don’t have to weigh and consider your options in most instances, because the very principles you live by will provide the answer for you.

Who’s Side Are You On, Dad?

There was a time when most of our older children had hit their teen years, and we found ourselves nestled in a neighborhood, surrounded by families I was not impressed with. It’s my nature to take a step back and let people prove to me who they are by what they do. Better to think the best of others until they prove you wrong— it makes for a more enjoyable life.

That being said, we didn’t have good neighbors.

Children ran about, having no regard for others, while parents looked the other way, ignoring irresponsible behaviors with, “Kids will be kids,” attitudes. Sure, kids will be kids, unless you teach them to be something else. I digress.

When ‘kids will be kids’, someone is likely to get hurt. Now, which parent gets mad in those situations depends on who gets hurt.

…and it wasn’t one of mine.

My neighbor came to my front yard, screaming like a banshee. The man insisted on punishing my son for the ‘brutality’ shown towards his son (who was a head taller, two years older, and at least 50 lbs heaver than my child). He wagged his finger at us, while coddling his boy, which didn’t surprise me. The accusations rolled off his tongue faster than a politicians promises before an election.

For a parent who didn’t witness the supposed offense first hand, he was absolutely certain about every ‘fact’, including my child’s intent.

Riiiiiight.

So it came as a shock to my son when I turned to him and said, “I’d like you to apologize for your part in this.” My boy looked at me like I’d slapped him across the face.

“Who’s side are you on, dad?”

The WHY

Years before my son had been born, I’d pondered what kind of father I wanted to be. What type of example I wanted to set for my sons and daughters. It was important for me to be the kind of man that they could look up to, and that when they did, they would learn through my example why they should do the same. Part of that was striving to be a person who lived by principle, not being swayed by personalities.

Regardless of who the people were…including my children.

The most important thing I wanted my children to see, was that I was an honest father. That if they were striving to do the right thing for the right reasons, I’d always have their back. It was important for my son to apologize, not because he was wrong, but because it was a peacemaking gesture, regardless of who was at fault in this instance.

It was an offering, to soothe the situation, so we could get to the truth.

Have to say I was impressed with the tone my son used as he apologized to the neighbors. Even more impressed that he exerted his trust in me. Because it paid off.

Turns out the reason my son had ‘pushed’ the neighbor kid was because the neighbor had ‘pushed’ my daughter, who was half his age and size. She was inside, being attended to by my wife, and I had not yet connected the two until my son had spoken up.

Now, the last thing I want to do is give you the impression that I’m always the calm and collected type. Because I’m not. I just want all the facts before I let the meaner version of myself out of the closet. That side of me gets to deal with those who won’t communicate through reason.

Since I had already made the decision to defend my children from threats, I then explained to my neighbor (while staring solely at his son the whole time), that if his boy every laid a finger on my daughter (or any of my children) again, my son would have my permission to ‘push’ back as needed.

When I looked up to meet the mans eyes, his anger had turned to confusion.

“It’s sad that you allow your son to harm little girls,” I said softly. “And defending that kind of behavior in your child makes me wonder what kind of a person you really are.”

We never had another problem with the neighbors.

The HOW

This all comes back to looking into your WHY. Taking the time to decide ahead of time, what kind of person you are choosing to be.

Before the trials.

Before the challenges.

Before all the variables hit you in the face.

Because they will.

Not everything will be solved this way — but you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how many situations will fall from your shoulders — because you just don’t have to think about it.

The decision has already been made.

Conclusion

This is all about choice.

It always is.

Choose to be a certain kind of parent.

Choose to act a certain way, in certain circumstances.

Choose to think through what you feel will be the most challenging aspects of parenting, and choose how you will address the situation ahead of time.

Choose to be the very best parent you know how to be.

Then choose to improve upon that as you gain more knowledge and experience.

Choose the become more than you think you are!

What To Do Next

Now that you know it’s both possible and wise to make decisions ahead of time, here’s what you might consider:

Think about situations you may be forced to deal with as a parent. Things that make you uncomfortable, scare you, or things that you might not have a great deal of control over.

Then think through the scenarios in your mind and decide ahead of time how you will deal with the situation with the focus on the best win-win outcome.

How will you speak?
How will you carry yourself?
How will you respond if others are angry or unkind?

Once you have chosen, let it all go — the decisions have already been made.

You’ve got this!

QUESTION: What changes have to chosen to make in your parenting style?

NEXT TIME: Maintaining Consistency

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Discovering Your Parenting WHY

Jaime Buckley 💎 — Tue, 03 Oct 2023 12:00:16 GMT

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I cannot tell you how many times over the years I’ve been asked why my wife and I chose to have a large family. To this day I find it odd.

Not that it’s an odd question in and of itself, but rather because it has never made sense to me why people wouldn’t want a large family themselves.

Throughout the hundreds of conversations I’ve had over the years, I noticed that the main determining factor between those who had children (or a lot of them) and those who didn’t was what they ‘value’.

Now this didn’t make a person good or bad in my mind, it just was. We all have different goals in life, different expectations, dreams, hopes, and having children creates dynamic changes in our lives.

Some people consider kids as a burden or a bill, not a benefit and blessing. Individuals like this tend to focus on the costs—not outcome. Again, I didn’t see this as good or bad—we all have our choice—it just surprised me that so many people I’ve met couldn’t seem to see what I did.

Sadly, there are also those who either look down upon families like mine, or they simply don’t know what to say…so they spew out something trying to be funny, but end up looking like an ass.

"Don’t you know where babies come from?"

"Good grief! Don’t you have anything better to do than making babies?"

When Dogs Bark

I’m a protective personality. You can say most anything to me and I’ll likely shrug it off. Go after my wife and children, and I’m going to bite. Trust me when I say, “it would be better for you, if we were friends.”

There’s no reason to be unkind, especially when the person you attack has done nothing to harm or even offend you. Yet some folks just have to share their emotional vomit, whether you want them to or not.

My wife and I had just welcomed child number six into our home, and for the first time, Kathi wanted to get out — even though the trip was to our local grocery store. We love Macey’s, which is a family atmosphere, and we’d lived long enough in the neighborhood that many of the female clerks knew us.

When we got to checkout, the young lady greeted us kindly, asking how my wife was doing, then added, “Is this…number six?”

The older woman behind us gasped, “Six children? That’s disgusting! Why would you bring so many mouths into this world!??”

Everyone in a ten foot bubble around us froze.

The woman was, I’m guessing, in her late 60’s, in a tank top. Add tattoos and orange skin, accented with multiple piercings down both earlobes and one side of her nose.

At her remark, the clerk looked away, embarrassed. My wife on the other hand, frowned, holding Asia closer to her chest.

I smiled at my wife, then leaned in, whispering, “I’ll meet you at the car.”

“Sweetheart, don’t,” she started, but when you make your comments public, the only ‘proper’ course is to reply in public. She knew I wouldn’t budge on this. With a nod, she led the teen bagger and our cart of groceries outside. I turned my attention to the woman behind me.

“That was awfully unkind, mam,” I said softly, keeping my tone even. “Why would you criticize people like that?”

Without a pause, she sneered at me. Literally sneered. “I’d kill myself before having that many kids!”

You know, I have to admit — me and Karma have had this special arrangement ever since I got married to my adorable wife. I looked at the woman, nodded thoughtfully and then replied, “That’s good to know, because not everyone should breed.”

The clerk slapped a hand over her mouth, while every patron in our isle and those on either side burst into laughter. Seething in anger, the woman turned to the man behind her in line and snapped, “Did you hear what he just said to me!?”

To which the man leaned forward, into her face. “Yes…I can.” Thumbing the over six foot teen boy behind him, he added, “Number SEVEN.”

Never seen a senior citizen move so fast through a crowd before.

The WHY

There are countless reasons why people have children. Most of them personal. Thing is, it’s not a contest—it’s a journey.

I have friends who wanted children so they could live their own childhood again, this time through the eyes of another.

A friend of mine had sweet and clever nephews and wanted a son of his own.

My cousin wanted to have children just to spoil them. Seriously! He’d grown up under humble circumstances, so he worked hard to generate a small fortune for himself and his wife. When she said she wanted children, he was overjoyed — because he had the means to give their children anything they wanted.

As for myself, I wanted to have children because I wanted to be a father. To teach and care for, protect, and guide young minds and hearts into happy, strong, well-adjusted members of society. It was my way of making the world a better place.

Finding your own why is one of the most important discoveries one can make as a parent. That single discovery will shape (or reshape) the core of who you will become as an adult.

The HOW

How do you find YOUR why? Simply put, you just have to ask for it.

I took time to ponder my life when my wife was pregnant with our first child. Many late nights, sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee, asking myself specific questions.

Why do I want to be a father?
What am I willing to sacrifice to become one?
What kind of children do I want to raise?
What expectations will I have for them?
Are those expectations reasonable, not only to me, but to my wife?
What kind of relationship do I want to have with my children?

Over and over I asked myself questions, always coming back to ‘but WHY do I want that?’ Distilling the information down until I couldn’t ask ‘why’ again — because I knew why. I knew the answer from head to toe, balls to bone.

I wanted to become a father, because it’s who I am and who I was always meant to be.

I’m willing to sacrifice, suffer, work, repeat, and provide a stable, consistent life for these little souls who come to my family, and never give up on them.

Because their existence, care and teaching are the most important thing to me in my life.

That’s my why.

If you doubt me, look at my children…and my grandchildren.

Conclusion

After all the pondering over what I would share with you this year, I couldn’t think of anything more important than our WHY. There is no single thing I can think of that is more critical to our survival or our success as parents.

So that’s what I’d like to show you.

How to come to the truth of your own WHY, and how it will become the foundation of the brilliant and dynamic family you already have, or plan to create in the future.

What To Do Next:

It’s critical for you to discover your own WHY for being a parent. So here’s what I suggest:

Take some personal time, without distraction, to ask yourself some honest questions. Make sure to write your questions and thoughts down on paper. Don’t trust your memory, because you will forget. Paper doesn’t. Think about what motivates you. Ponder about what is most important in your life.

WHY do you want to be a parent?

Ask yourself “why” over and over again, answering honestly to yourself until you can’t anymore.

You’ll soon uncover your WHY,…and we can build on it.

You’ve got this.

QUESTION: WHY do you want to be a parent? If you’re brave enough to share, I would be honored to know you better…

NEXT TIME: The Decision Has Already Been Made

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Introduction to Parenting

Jaime Buckley 💎 — Fri, 29 Sep 2023 12:02:09 GMT

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[clicks theWayback Machine to 2022]

I’m sitting here with toilet paper shoved up each nostril of my dry and cracked nose, coughing and hacking up….I don’t know what it is, into my waste basket—trying to endure my seasonal bronchitis.

Ruby, my youngest (2yrs old) is right behind me in coughs and congestion. My darling wife is at her father’s side in his bedroom on the main floor, sitting in a chair, waiting for him to die.

The other four children still at home, 15, 14, 11, and 7, are all rising to the tasks that fell upon them, so there’s still some measure of function in the house. I’m so proud of them, and ever so grateful.

I’ve heard no complaints from any of them.

(Well, some complaints from Roman, but we’re working on that—and he still does what he’s asked, so that’s good.)

Outside the house, we have a daughter about to give birth early, because her organs are struggling, so the midwives will induce tomorrow. We hope there won’t be an ER run—but all things are prepared. While just days ago, another daughter lost her baby—and spent time here to be loved and comforted.

My wife and I have had little to no sleep—rushing out twice, in the middle of the night, to support another child with health issues, who lives over an hour away. To top it all off, the one night when no one needed their parents, we spent in the ER for my wife.

Kidney stones.

Completely blew our hopeful date we wanted to have…to sleep.

That’s just in my family.

The world is still bat-crap crazy, placing daily pressure on us—but I’m not even going to touch that issue. And yet…I’ve never been more excited to be a parent.

No, I haven’t been drinking.

I see opportunities at every turn to be a good father, to teach, explain, and strive to be an example worthy of emulation. Life is getting harder and I’ve noticed that parents are looking for simple, concise solutions to their problems. They’re tired of fluff—they want what works, and they want it now.

Parenting is a long term game, yes. But our success can often be accelerated when we’re under extreme pressure—which the world seems to provide in abundance. So isn’t this a good thing? Create bonds faster, stronger, and reclaim our children in record time?

You’re still looking at me weird.

Stop it.

Smell by breath.

*huffs*

I told you, no alcohol.

Think what you like about my perspective, but over the course of this next series, I’ll show you how to reassess and alter, update, or even rebuild your foundation as a parent. It will empower you like nothing else can.

We’re going to take a closer look at your WHY.

NEXT TIME:
Discovering Your Parenting WHY

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Block Party: What are your Top 5 Priorities as a Parent (or Family)?

Jaime Buckley 💎 — Thu, 28 Sep 2023 12:01:01 GMT

With the challenges all our family face in society, it’s critical to stay on top of our goals and vision.

But DO we? Do we prioritize our lives, cast off the undesirable aspects and make sure we are a honed, streamlined tribe?

What are your Top 5 Priorities as a Parent (or Family)?

Life is a Definition

Jaime Buckley 💎 — Tue, 26 Sep 2023 12:00:52 GMT

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When I've been writing from sun up to sun down, there are times when I become overly sensitive to the words I use to entertain others.

There’s something I believe we should teach our kids, so here it goes…

Lately I have found myself cringing during conversations. Literally having my stomach heave and the skin of my body flinch as people express themselves to me personally. I'm not trying to be rude, but I sit here, writing this at 4:30am after tossing and turning all night, afflicted with nightmares unequaled in my recent past. Time and again I woke up in the night, my back cramped and mind racing, thinking: How could I solve the horrible problems I was experiencing?

The answer was always better communication.

But it wasn't as simple as listening, giving someone the benefit of the doubt or even body language. I kept falling asleep and reliving real-life events and I did just that. That's not the problem in my own life, though I certainly know I can do better. After five or six times waking up, it hit me:

It comes down to definition.

Now, this isn't much more than a working theory here, so before anyone goes ape-crap on me, let me try and express what I'm trying to say here.

Do you notice conflict in your own life?

In conversations with friends and family, meetings at church, work, how government leaders uses their podiums or users of In-Yer-Facebook interact one with another online? Maybe they're not fights or full-blow ups, but how about constant irritations? People easily offended on a regular basis?

Why is that?

I personally don't think people are afraid to express themselves anymore. Social networks are proof of that. Frankly I'd like to see more of us shut our traps and stop vomiting emotional garbage for the world to sift through. Yes, me included.

People are all too willing to speak their minds, whether you want them to or not.

So we're interacting, but for some reason, there seems to be more hostility, more arguing, more accusations, more assumptions than I can remember up until now. That's when I went to my Facebook page, which I have almost completely withdrawn from, to read "conversations" form my news feeds. You know what I found?

People arguing about definitions.

I don't know why, yet, but this has me worried. There's such power in a definition. It can unite or separate people.

Using the wrong legal word, because of its definition, can send you to jail or set you free. But our society has become a community where people "have their own individual reality."

It's…well, horse sh-t, but it’s also true. He/she who controls that definition is the one in charge.

Maybe I'm worried because I don't have much trust, hope or confidence in a selfish society. When Ron Paul's movement was spreading, the focus was to free people's minds by educating them about Liberty. But in every single case I personally witnessed, it turned my stomach.

Everyone wanted the right to chose for themselves, felt it was wrong for the government to encroach upon their freedoms. That’s a good thing. But not one of them felt that same right should be extended to their neighbor.

Seriously? You want freedom, but enslave and burden the other guy?

What the freaking hell is wrong with you people?!? Seriously, makes me so damn mad I could spit. Yet I see the same thing happening in definitions.

Think about all the horrible shootings in schools. Mark my words...definitions are going to change through the government. The ‘mentally unstable’, ‘crazy’...or whatever politically correct term they decide to use, will broaden, until it encompasses enough regular - every day folks. Then those who piss off authorities will be locked up as needed.

The noose is getting tighter and tighter and people will hold you to their own interpretation of what they heard. Hmmm, I'm starting to see the importance of contracts. Not to bind people, but to help both parties remember the exact same thing. I'm rambling now and I'm so very tired from lack of sleep, but I hope this makes some sense to you.

Definitions are so very important in all of our interactions, in the very fabric of our society and essential to our future. How much heartache could be alleviated if we could simply be understood?

Think about it.

And if you have a perspective on this, I'd sure appreciate another point of view.

Please leave a comment and share your thoughts...and I promise to do my best to hear what you actually mean...=D

NEXT TIME: Introduction to Parenting

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Block Party: What part of the encroaching world do you have ZERO tolerance for?

Jaime Buckley 💎 — Thu, 21 Sep 2023 12:01:17 GMT

The world has lost itself. It will either covert you or destroy you.

Thus, I would like to know how you, as a family, or specifically as a parent, how you deal with the garbage being thrown at you. Specifically I’d like to know:

What part of the encroaching world do you have ZERO tolerance for?

Find Your Purpose

Jaime Buckley 💎 — Wed, 20 Sep 2023 00:54:17 GMT

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Politics. Publishing. Technology. Natural Disasters. Economy. Relationships. Jobs. War...and the list goes on. A seemingly endless storm of conflict and opposition that pummels you as soon as you step out the front door.

I know you're scared. Frankly, I have moments when I'm not sure whether to cover my head or grab a bat. The truth is, none of us honestly knows what tomorrow will bring.

But it's not the end of the world. There are reasons for everything around us. The circumstances we find ourselves in, the people we meet. Everything can and will work out for our good--if we allow it to and exercise patience.

What you need to focus on...is finding your purpose.

That one key thing you are meant to do, not only for yourself, family & friends, but for the world around you. Then walk it.

Somewhere inside you is an amazing purpose.

You might not feel that way, but there is something special in you--just waiting to come out. I'd venture to guess that you've felt it, quivering in your stomach, beating in your heart or scratching at the back of your mind.

Maybe you're like me and small voices rise up in your mind, whispering, hissing, taunting you and telling you that it's impossible...that you lack the skill or that the odds are overwhelmingly against you.

Guess what? It's a lie.

Humans are created to succeed. Engineered for success and destined for greatness. All we have to do to lay hold of that blessing, is pursue the path that we were meant to walk!

Don't give up and don't give in. It will be hard, I promise you that...but I also promise you that it will all be worth it. Nothing worthy of your effort comes without a sacrifice, without pain and at times, even suffering. The reward you receive will be equal to the tests you endure and conquer. People will ridicule you and judge you. They will watch you set priorities that they cannot understand and criticize you for it.

Let them.

Find what you were meant to do. Find what makes you happy. Find out what you can do to help make this world a better place in which we can all live, laugh and love.

Find your purpose.

NEXT TIME: Life is a Definition

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Block Party: How do you compromise your parenting when in public?

Jaime Buckley 💎 — Thu, 14 Sep 2023 12:01:00 GMT

I know, the most common reaction I’m going to get is “I don’t compromise my parenting when in public, Jaime”…

But you do. We ALL do to one degree or another.

Maybe this can be a moment to reflect on how you conduct yourself in the presence of others, and what kind of signals you send to your kids. Better yet, ask your KIDS what you do differently as mom or dad in public…

How do you compromise your parenting when in public?

Being a Shield To Your Children

Jaime Buckley 💎 — Tue, 12 Sep 2023 12:00:28 GMT

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I’ve been thinking about this for quite a while because of the encroaching subjects I see in the media.

There are intellectuals and outspoken personalities on YouTube that I listen to. People who have what I believe are correct perspectives. On life, on various principles, such as controlling ourselves, self-discipline, and many other subjects that affect you and me in life.

The more I listen to the subjects they’re covering, it forces me to inspect the material they are combating. I have to look at the problems they are trying to solve.

It’s disturbing.

When did so many go bat-crap crazy?

What’s worse, is I can’t understand how some people come to the conclusions they do.

The more I pay attention, the more I question what my children are being exposed to.

What are they seeing when I’m not there?
What’s in the media they are partaking of?
How determined and devious is society becoming, and to what lengths will they go to influence my children?

Have you thought about this?

Not long ago, I listened to a podcast between Joe Rogan and Dr. Epstein, when they were talking about Google. This was a conversation that had to do with search results, and how it affects us as a society, as individuals, and our children. If you haven’t heard this podcast, I highly recommend it. Here is a link:

Joe Rogan, Episode #1768 - Dr. Robert Epstein

Are you a shield for your children?

This podcast triggered quite a few questions in my mind. It prompted me to reflect critically on myself and question my role as a father. I looked in the mirror, judging myself pretty harshly.

It’s not that I don’t try or strive to improve myself. It wasn’t even about the way that I raise my children. This made me question how effective I am.

I know if I bring up the subject of roles in a marriage, I’m going to get a lot of feedback. Society is rebelling against the ‘traditional’ family structure. Many are shouting “Down With Patriarchy!”

That’s fine.

I have the perspective that life doesn’t come with an instruction manual,…that’s why we have fathers.

I’m not asking for permission to HAVE a traditional family. So those fighting against a traditional family unit can stuff it. But talking about, and understanding our role as a parent, is important.

We should have this conversation regardless of the structure of your family.

This isn’t a talk about gender roles. It’s not a talk about what society thinks. We should talk about how parents work together in raising, guiding, and protecting children. Because they are yours.

Let me be really specific here, so you get my meaning.

Your children are YOURS.

YOUR children are not the governments. YOUR children do not belong to the church. YOUR children do not belong to your neighbors, or your community.

Your children are your own.

My wife and I have made our children. We chose to have them. She gave birth to them. We both love them, train them and provide for their every need. We are there when they need us. No one else can say that.

Not a single person.

So I can say with full confidence that they sure as hell don’t belong to Joe Biden.

Your children belong to YOU. My children belong to ME.

YOUR children are YOUR responsibility, MY children are MY responsibility.

Sounds simple, right? That’s because it is.

So Let Me Ask You:

Do you act like a parent/guardian?
Do you stand as a shield to protect and save the minds and hearts of your little ones?
Do you act as a filter against the lies and tainted perspectives being force-fed by the encroaching society around you?
Do you stand boldly as a champion for your teens when they need it most?

We often forget that life is not the same for everyone. Our capacities vary, as do our experiences and the lessons we learn. As parents, we have the PRIVILEGE AND HONOR to wade the battle against this world on behalf of our offspring to give them a head start.

To take that extra blow that could fell the best of us.

It doesn’t matter who you are or what you believe as an individual, YOUR children are still facing the same onslaughts as MY children. White, black, orange, christian, secular, heterosexual, gay, and even if you’re a frickin’ alien…

If you have children on this planet, they’re being affected.

Unfortunately, too many parents turn a cold shoulder to the plight of their offspring. I see this happen all around me day in and day out. What breaks my heart is that you can see the erosion of sweet innocence.

Don’t make that mistake with your children.

Yes, your children will make mistakes and choose paths other than the ones you point out for them. Some of these choices will be tremendous problems. It frustrates you; I understand. One of my own children made choices that stole years of our lives, thrust the entire family into despair and cost thousands of dollars in debt.

It’s never easy, I know.

Truth is: they’re likely following the example you set with your own parents.

Take a moment and consider it. See any patterns in your own life? Attitudes or choices look familiar?

No, this isn’t about you being a good or bad person...it just happens more times than not.

Consider it poetic payback. You were allowed to learn life’s lessons to be a guide and savior to THEM.

So take a breath and remember: they’re WORTH it!!!

TODAY I SAY:

Ok world, you want to step on me? That’s fine, I can take it. Just know that when you pick on my kids, they won’t standalone. Not only do I have their back...you gave me a hammer and taught me how to use it.

...now go out there and raise a better generation.

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BONUS: 25 DIY Project activity ideas for families

The weather is starting to change (at least where I live). If you’re struggling to find activities through rain OR shine, try some of the suggestions below. If you’d like the full list — including both low to no cost options and variations for special needs children, consider supporting kidCLANS by purchasing “Summer Survival Guide: 975 Ways to Keep the Kids Busy.” It’s only $5…and you’ll save 50 times that using our ideas over the summer =)

DIY Birdhouses: Build birdhouses using wood, nails, and paint. Hang them in your backyard and observe the birds that visit.
Homemade Playdough: Make your own playdough using flour, salt, water, and food coloring. Get creative and mold different shapes and figures.
DIY Terrarium: Create a mini indoor garden using a glass container, soil, rocks, and small plants. Watch your terrarium thrive and learn about plant care.
DIY Tie-Dye T-Shirts: Use fabric dyes to create unique tie-dye patterns on plain t-shirts. Experiment with different colors and techniques.
Upcycled Crafts: Repurpose household items like jars, bottles, or cardboard boxes to create new crafts such as pen holders, storage containers, or even homemade instruments.
DIY Bath Bombs: Mix baking soda, citric acid, essential oils, and food coloring to make fizzy bath bombs. Enjoy a relaxing bath and soothing scents.
Homemade Soap: Combine soap base, scents, and colors to make personalized soap bars. It's a fun and practical project that can be gifted as well.
DIY Picture Frames: Decorate plain picture frames with paint, beads, or other embellishments. Insert your favorite family photos for a personalized touch.
DIY Wind Chimes: Use recycled materials like old keys, shells, or bottle caps to create unique wind chimes. Hang them outside and enjoy the soothing sounds.
Homemade Candles: Melt candle wax and add fragrance oils or colors to create your own scented candles. Experiment with different shapes and sizes.
DIY Dreamcatchers: Craft dreamcatchers using hoops, yarn, feathers, and beads. Hang them above beds to catch dreams and add a decorative touch.
DIY Puzzles: Design and create your own puzzles using cardboard or thick paper. Draw or print an image, cut it into pieces, and challenge each other to solve it.
Homemade Slime: Mix glue, borax, and water to make stretchy and colorful slime. Explore different textures and add glitter or other fun elements.
DIY Lava Lamps: Create homemade lava lamps using oil, water, food coloring, and Alka-Seltzer tablets. Watch the mesmerizing blobs move up and down.
DIY Kaleidoscope: Construct a kaleidoscope using a cardboard tube, mirrors, and colorful beads. Discover the fascinating patterns created by reflections.
DIY Friendship Bracelets: Learn different knotting techniques to make colorful friendship bracelets using embroidery thread. Exchange them with friends or family members.
Homemade Suncatchers: Use translucent plastic or beads to create beautiful suncatchers. Hang them in windows and enjoy the colorful reflections.
DIY Paper Lanterns: Fold and decorate paper to create lanterns. Place battery-operated candles inside for a cozy ambiance.
DIY Magnetic Poetry: Make your own magnetic poetry set by printing words on magnetic sheets. Arrange them to create unique poems or stories on the fridge.
Homemade Musical Instruments: Craft simple musical instruments like shakers, drums, or guitars using recycled materials. Start a family band and make music together.
DIY Fabric Masks: Sew fabric masks using colorful fabrics and elastic bands. Decorate them with unique patterns or designs.
DIY Planters: Repurpose containers like tin cans, mason jars, or plastic bottles to create unique planters for herbs or small plants. Paint or decorate them for added flair.
Homemade Bath Salts: Mix Epsom salt, essential oils, and dried flowers to make fragrant bath salts. Relax and unwind during bath time.
DIY Wall Art: Get creative and paint or draw your own artwork on canvas or paper. Frame and hang them to add a personal touch to your home.
DIY Solar Oven: Build a solar oven using a cardboard box, aluminum foil, and plastic wrap. Cook simple meals using the power of the sun.Tell me about your last food-fun family activity!!

Inner Child.

Jaime Buckley 💎 — Sat, 09 Sep 2023 22:51:22 GMT

kidCLANS #9: Sick & Medicated: What happens when you podcast at 20.4%.

Jaime Buckley 💎 — Fri, 08 Sep 2023 22:17:32 GMT

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Simon is a good kid. At 17, he’s already impressive. Sometimes I think I’d like to be him when I grow up. I’m grateful he was here to chat with.

Lot’s of transitions going on in thew Buckley house, and a great deal of illness…including grandbabies in the hospital as I type this. These are challenges we’ve faced for years…but when it rains…

All the plans for episodes have been put on hold. I can’t get to anyone to talk to them, so I turned to Simon for help. He’s had a desire to participate on kidCLAN’s to talk to youth, so why not today? To make things interesting, I asked ChatGPT what kind of questions I could ask a 17 year old.

…then we lowered the difficulty to what I asked the 5 year olds.

Have a listen. Enjoy yourself. Leave your thoughts and questions in the comments section!

Soon, very soon,…we will have “Simon Says”

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Don't Squirt Your Local Police

Jaime Buckley 💎 — Tue, 05 Sep 2023 12:52:00 GMT

Don’t Do This.

From time to time, I feel it’s important to share a story of how I got to this point in my life. To show you that no matter what you’ve done wrong in life, there is a path back to the light. That if you so choose, you can, regardless of what others may tell you, become someone other than a jerk.

Eventually.

I made sure mom and dad would never notice what I took from the garage. After all, it would take all the fun out of your success in deploying your diabolical plan, only to come home to a belt strap on your butt, right?

I took a little gasoline from the lawnmower, some paint thinner, an egg I had been baking in the ground out back for a month or so and some of moms wood stain. Mixed it up in a soup can. I told Bob what I planned to do with my 'melt-in-a-bottle' creation and being the sweet little demon he was, he eagerly joined right in.

Placing the finished concoction into the water bottle of my cool, plastic covered motorcycle bike, we road away to see if cop cars were indeed invulnerable to creative nine year olds.

We found a good corner in our neighborhood, but far enough away so mom and dad wouldn't stumble upon us if they drove their regular route. The location had enough trees and bushed for me to hide behind and move about without being easily detected. I stashed my bike around the corner within the trees and made sure it was completely invisible. I planted the demon I called my brother on his skateboard just to the right of the corner street sign, which forced any passerby to pull over against the bushes, where I would be hiding. If it went as planned, I could cover the side of a car and get away without notice.

We were in place, armed, and ready for action.

It was a little wait, but as soon as we saw a patrolman, my little brother — who we will call "Bob" today, cause I don’t want to get a phone call after this article — did his thing. What a master of BS emotions he was, tears flowed like rivers down the small cheeks that looked so sweet you got cavities just looking at the little crapper. The cop noticed him as he sank his face into his hands and sobbed, his little frame delicately centered on his massive skateboard, shuddering in despair.

The cop pulled into place, perfectly in front of the bushes where I was hiding and rolled down his window.

“What's the matter fella?” the cop said.
“I just moved here and I'm lost,” cried Bob, fussing loudly. “Do you know where I live?”

Before the cop responded I went to work, uncapping my water bottle and squirting my eye watering liquid/gel all along the side of his car, completely covering the police insignia's.

The two talked for a couple minutes, Bob staying on his board, darting an occasional glance my way from time to time. I emptied the full contents of my bottle and watched the paint melt down the side of the vehicle before my actions were even complete. Once done, I quickly gave a thumbs up and backed into the bushes. Bob instantly perked up with a smile:

“Oh! I remember where I live! Thank you so much for the help!!” and he dashed off in the opposite direction from where we lived.

We never got caught, but we should face been. It was wrong to take advantage of someone, especially unaware. What was worse, was taking advantage of someone who was serving us in the community. It was back handed, sneaky, destructive, irresponsible and not very nice.

I did, however, feel I had a great future in chemistry.

...or politics.

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BONUS: 25 cultural exploration activity ideas for families!

We are coming close to the end of summer! Here’s some of my favorite ideas for your summer enjoyment (yup, you still get 25). If you’d like the full list — including both low to no cost options and variations for special needs children, consider supporting kidCLANS by purchasing “Summer Survival Guide: 975 Ways to Keep the Kids Busy.” It’s only $5…and you’ll save 50 times that using our ideas over the summer =)

Museum Visits: Visit local museums to explore art, history, science, or cultural exhibits. Learn about different civilizations, traditions, and historical events.
Ethnic Food Night: Choose a different cuisine each week and prepare a meal together using traditional recipes and ingredients. Discuss the cultural significance of the dishes.
Language Exchange: Learn basic phrases in a foreign language and practice conversational skills with native speakers through language exchange programs or online platforms.
Traditional Dance Classes: Take dance classes to learn traditional dances from different cultures, such as salsa, tango, or Bollywood. Enjoy the rhythmic movements and vibrant music.
Global Movie Night: Watch movies from various countries, offering a glimpse into different cultures, traditions, and storytelling styles. Discuss the themes and cultural references afterward.
Cultural Festivals: Attend cultural festivals in your community or neighboring areas. Experience live performances, traditional music, dances, crafts, and authentic cuisine.
Pen Pal Program: Participate in a pen pal program that connects families with individuals from different countries. Exchange letters, artwork, and cultural insights with your pen pals.
Virtual Tours: Explore famous landmarks and cultural sites around the world through virtual tours available online. Learn about their history, architecture, and significance.
Traditional Craft Workshops: Attend workshops or try DIY crafts from different cultures. Learn techniques like origami, pottery, beadwork, or fabric dyeing.
Storytelling Sessions: Read traditional folktales and myths from different cultures. Discuss the values, beliefs, and lessons reflected in the stories.
Cultural Dress-Up: Dress up in traditional attire from different cultures. Learn about the significance of clothing and accessories and how they reflect cultural identity.
Music Appreciation: Listen to music from various cultures, including traditional folk music, classical compositions, or contemporary genres. Discuss the instruments, rhythms, and melodies.
Visit Ethnic Neighborhoods: Explore ethnic neighborhoods in your city or nearby towns. Visit shops, restaurants, and markets to experience the culture, language, and cuisine.
Cultural Games: Learn and play traditional games from different cultures, such as mahjong, chess, or mancala. Discover the history and rules of these games.
Cultural Workouts: Try cultural workouts like African dance, martial arts, or yoga. Learn about the cultural and historical significance of these movement practices.
Heritage Research: Research and trace your family's heritage and share stories, customs, and traditions from your own cultural background.
Cookbook Compilation: Collect traditional recipes from friends, family, or online sources. Compile them into a family cookbook featuring dishes from different cultures.
Cultural Field Trips: Organize field trips to cultural centers, ethnic markets, places of worship, or historical sites representing diverse cultures.
Cultural Trivia Nights: Have family trivia nights focused on cultural facts, traditions, and history from around the world. Test your knowledge and learn together.
Cultural Art Projects: Create art inspired by different cultures. Explore techniques like calligraphy, painting, or textile design, incorporating cultural symbols and motifs.
Cultural Books Club: Read books written by authors from diverse backgrounds, exploring different perspectives and cultural experiences. Discuss the themes and characters as a family.
Volunteer for Cultural Events: Offer your time and assistance at cultural events or festivals to learn firsthand about traditions, customs, and community celebrations.
Cultural Instrument Exploration: Try playing traditional musical instruments from different cultures, such as the ukulele, djembe, or sitar. Experiment with the sounds and rhythms.
Cultural Documentaries: Watch documentaries that explore different cultures, histories, or social issues. Discuss the insights gained and encourage critical thinking.
Intercultural Potluck Dinners: Organize potluck dinners where each family brings a dish representing their cultural heritage. Share stories, recipes, and traditions while enjoying a diverse feast.

Tell me about your last food-fun family activity!!

kidCLANS #8: 10 Questions For My Grandson Sam

Fri, 01 Sep 2023 12:00:35 GMT

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Before we had to take the boys back to mom and dad, I wanted to spend a moment with Sam.

I’ve always considered my children creative anomalies, but when they started having children of their own, something morphed.

They gave life to super-creatives.

Children with minds so fast and without limits, I take whatever time I can just to have conversations with them, just so I can fill my own creative tank.

Sam is Charlies older brother, and these two wonderful boys have am exceptional relationship: they always choose each other.

In todays episode, I ask Sam 10 creative questions, just to see what he’d come up with.

Hope you enjoy the conversation.